Page 54 of Every Time We Touch

I tilt my head, and press my lips to hers.

The voltage that runs through me as my mouth touches against hers is enough to make me lose my mind completely—like something in my brain gets rearranged. And I know this is the very definition of madness—the polar opposite of sanity. I know this is the very last thing I should be doing, but I do it anyway, because of her. Because of this thing between us that shouldn’t be there but, unmistakably, very much is.

Her lips part beneath mine. I taste the salt of her tears and if they are a reminder of why we shouldn’t be doing this, it doesn’t register. I want her—need her—one last time. I may not know much anymore right now, but I do know that. It’s all I know. I want Clancy Estevez. I may not be able to choose her, not for longer than tonight, but I can still want her.

Chapter 30

Clancy

Jen kisses me and I get why it might feel wrong to her, but to me, nothing has ever felt more right. Maybe, if you’re lucky, once in your lifetime, you meet someone who makes you feel like this. Like the world doesn’t make sense if she’s not in it.

But still, if I were a more decent person, I’d pause this kiss and ask her if she’s sure. Although that question is as futile as debating what kind of person this makes me. Because there’s no room for common sense when Jen and I are together. There’s only this spell we’re both under. I couldn’t manage to stay away from her for longer than a few hours, nor could I accept her dumping me. Deep down, I knew it would be like this, because this is how we are when we’re in the same room.

Her tongue is soft and warm, the press of her lips on mine makes every last inch of my skin come alive. She may say she can’t choose me, but she’s doing it right now. And there’s something very different about her touch today. Like she’s done fighting. Or at least done pretending she can walk away. She pushes me down into the couch, sliding on top of me.

“I want you so fucking much it scares me,” she whispers, as she looks down at me.

In response, I tug her close again, because I need more of her kisses, more of her hot tongue inside my mouth. More of her—all of her.

I pull her closer than seems physically possible, like I want her to melt into me. There’s a desperation in the way I kiss her now, as if I can convince her with my lips of what words will always fail to do. As silly as it sounds, that’s what it feels like to me, because this thing between us is so physical, so inevitable. I wouldn’t be here, writhing underneath her, on her couch like this, if it weren’t. We can try to reason ourselves out of this all we want, it will never work because reason has nothing to do with this.

My hands are in her hair. Our tongues dance their exquisite slow dance. Between my legs, I go liquid for her.

Jen breaks the kiss and looks me in the eye again—she, at least, can do that when we kiss.

“You have no idea what you do to me,” she says.

I have a pretty good idea, but in response, I pull her in for another kiss. Even kissing her is like stepping into something bigger than I can control. Like my body can’t help itself. With my lips glued to hers and my tongue skating along hers, this is the only thing that still makes sense. There’s no point in even trying to resist. When Jen breaks our kiss, the grin on her lips is nothing short of devilish, like she’s turned a corner and is right there in that place beyond control with me.

Her hands slide under my shirt, pushing it up. Never breaking eye contact, I lift my arms and let her pull my top over my head. I hoist up her tank top, my fingers grazing her skin as I peel it off her.

We don’t stop kissing for long—just enough to get rid of what’s in the way—until we’re skin to skin with nothing left to slow us down.

Our bodies feel like they’re melting together now. She’s soft and warm against me, her knee pushing against the wetness between my legs.

Then we become who we are when we’re together—who we become every time we touch. Her lips are everywhere—my mouth, my neck, my nipples. Her fingertips waltz across my skin. We are no longer two bodies, but we, somehow, through some inexplicable chemical process that only exists in our brains, become one organism.

Jen’s kisses trail lower as her hands travel up, cupping my breasts. She settles between my legs, dotting kisses along my inner thighs. I push myself toward her because it’s all I want to do.

When her tongue sweeps over my clit, I let go of all the tension in my muscles—because it’s been a day. Mere hours ago, Jen broke up with me. Now, her tongue is all over my clit. I’ve gone from heartbreak to pure exhilaration in one afternoon. It’s been a roller coaster since we’ve met, but if this, what’s happening right now, is not enough to justify this thing between us, then I don’t know what ever can be.

Because however wrong it is on a certain level—one I’m sky-high above right now, with Jen’s tongue licking me to another climax—it’s also beautiful and necessary and, clearly, not something either of us can let go of. It’s gorgeously human, just like us.

Jen sucks me into her mouth, and I lose it because I’m in love with her and she’s all I want—and I will fight for her.

I cover her hands with mine, clinging onto her, as I come at her tongue. As I let her take me there, again. As I realize that she’s not just a woman I met, no matter the circumstances—she’s the person I belong with.

“Oh, fuck.” I sink into the couch, my head thrown back, as I catch my breath.

Jen crawls up to me. “The power of your pussy is astounding,” she says, her lips glistening with my wetness.

I have to laugh because it’s silly and a little dramatic and my brain is still foggy from that climax I didn’t even know I came here for.

Jen maneuvers herself half on top of me, her body all over mine, her hand on my cheek.

I turn to look at her, into her light-blue eyes that are as shiny as her lips.

“What the fuck?” she says. “What the actual fucking fuck?” She gazes into my eyes, as though she’s in some sort of trance. “I think I’ve lost my mind.” Her thumb swipes across my cheek. “You make me lose my mind.”