Page 51 of Every Time We Touch

Chapter 28

Clancy

I should have planned something active to do today, but my body needs rest, too. Especially with the added nighttime activity of the past couple of days. I’m tired but restless, because I’m worried about Jen. I may not have known her for a long time, but I’ve seen enough of her to notice how sensitive she is. How borderline codependent she is with her twin. And how close she is to her family.

I try to focus on the book I’m reading, but my glance keeps skittering to my phone. Jen said she’d call after brunch, which is probably still in full swing. It will be a while before she’s in touch.

I rest my eyes for a few minutes and, instantly, all I see is her. The way she bites her bottom lip. That first smile after a massive climax. Those big blue eyes, like patches of sun-drenched sky. The look on her face after I danced for her. A pulse starts between my legs.

The buzzing of my phone pulls me from my glorious train of thought. It’s her—already.

“Hey,” I say, everything in me going a little weak—god, I’ve got it bad. “How did it go?”

I just hear a strange kind of heavy breathing. Is this Jen’s way of instigating phone sex? It hardly seems like the time for it.

“Jen?”

“Dad was at brunch,” she says, her voice full of accusation—as though I dropped Eric off at her mother’s house myself. “It was terrible. He told us how he can’t stop thinking about you.” Her voice wavers. “Then, I told Heather and she’s angry with me, obviously. And… the whole thing was just awful. I can’t do this. I just can’t do it. I need to⁠—”

Oh, fuck. “I’m sorry, Jen.” I search my mind for something to say. I wish I could hold her. See her face. “You told your sister?”

“I’ve never seen Heather so disappointed in me. I ran away. From my own family.” Her voice sounds thin and brittle, as if it might crack any second. “This—us… it’s just not possible. I wish it was, but it’s simply not.”

My heart shrinks in my chest. Maybe I should have known this was inevitable—that this was the only possible outcome—but it was easy enough to pretend otherwise. There’s no riding off into the sunset for Jen and me. Still, I need to see her. We need to talk about this. Find a solution. I still believe—I have to—that there is one.

“Can I see you?” I ask, my voice as small as I feel.

“No. I need some time. This is my family. I just… need you to understand.”

I do understand, but I can’t just let this—her—go without a fight. “Tomorrow, then? Sometime next week?”

“I need to end this now.” Jen doesn’t sound very sure, but I only have her voice to go by. “I should never have let it come to this. I’m sorry for texting you. For everything. I really am.”

She doesn’t allow me a further reply; she just hangs up on me. Bam. Done. What the fuck? Did she really just break up with me? Over the phone?

I pace around my living room, ignoring the deflation in my muscles. No. This is not happening. Not like this. After the nights we spent together—and confessing we’re in love—I can’t just be cast aside with a short phone call.

Although I know it’s easy enough for me to think that. Eric’s barely still a blip on my radar, but he will always be Jen’s father. I have to ignore that right now, as well as her wish to not see me. Did he really say he couldn’t stop thinking about me? In front of his kids? Jesus.

It does give me pause, because a lot of people are getting hurt by my actions. How dreadful it must have been for Jen to hear her dad say that, after the nights we just had. She’s right. The only honorable, respectful course of action is to stay away. To let the St Jameses forget I ever existed. Fuck.

Jen also told her sister. She had to go through all of that alone, because of me. No wonder she called me in such a state. No wonder her first instinct—her knee-jerk reaction—was to break things off. It’s certainly not lack of understanding her situation that’s my issue. But I’ve looked into her eyes after kissing her—I’ve seen the truth in them. I’ve seen it written all over her face. I’ve felt—again and again—that whatever this is between us, however wrong it started, isn’t something you end with a brief phone call. I need to look her in the eye one more time. Because what we had wasn’t just a few nights of hot sex. It was so much more than that.

If I were her, I would have panicked too. It’s a natural response. It’s what happens when a dance you’ve danced a hundred times goes inexplicably wrong. One missed step, one shift in timing, and suddenly you’re no longer moving with the music but against it. You overcorrect, lose your center, and the whole routine falls apart. But it’s just one dance, out of all the dances a life is made up of. You don’t quit. You always try again.

I don’t give myself time to think any further. I find my car keys and drive to her house.

I try again.

Chapter 29

Jen

By the time my mother arrives I’m a wreck, because I did what I had to do—I ended it with Clancy. My eyes are swollen from crying. My face is puffy and my heart broken.

“Oh, Jenny.” As soon as I let her in, Mom wraps me in a hug I don’t deserve, but desperately need. “Talk to me.” Her arms still curved around my shoulders, she guides me to the couch and sits beside me. “What on earth is going on?”

It takes a few deep breaths before I can speak. “I fucked up. So very badly.”