Page 98 of Villa of Secrets

He shook his head. ‘No, you don’t, little one. The bastards were cruel to her. It would break your heart, I promise you. Better to remember her as she was.’

‘No! Will you listen to me? I have to see her. I have to,’ I insisted. ‘You can help me or not.’ I fell to my knees and raked at the earth with my bare hands.

He knelt and helped me dig, until we came to a white sheet, about half a metre down. ‘Turn away for a moment,’ Nathanial said.

I did, guessing he closed her eyes. I think I appeared calm on the outside, almost comatose – yet inside, I exploded with grief, regret, and the most terrible sorrow. Had my whole life been lived on a journey to this moment? The greatest part of me lay dead in the ground. We shared everything, our most secret thoughts and feelings.

Nathanial got to his feet. ‘I’ll wait by the building while you say goodbye.’ He walked away.

I unfolded the corner of Irini’s shroud. Her eyes were closed, and her face pale as porcelain, After brushing her raven hair back, I kissed her forehead and then hugged myself recalling her cold body the last time we slept together. Nothing I could say would change what had happened but as my grief mounted, I sensed her presence in the air around me.

‘Irini!’ I howled into the wind. ‘It wasn’t supposed to be like this. You tried to tell me, but I wouldn’t listen. Now, this is my punishment!’ I stared about wildly, expecting a sign that she understood. ‘You’re taken from me but I’ll always love you, Irini, until the day I die; and then we’ll be together again.’

I knew she could hear me. She’d understand my tears; my grief mirrored hers because Irini had been my life and soul.

A climbing rosebush, heavy with white blooms, hung over the cloister wall.

‘I’ll be back in a moment, my dearest friend,’ I whispered, getting to my feet. I ran to the shrub, held out my skirt, and gathered the petals off every flower.

After returning to Irini’s side, I surrounded her head with the virgin-white rose petals, their scent as sweet as her breath when she laughed. ‘You’ll be in my heart as long as I live. And I swear on my life, I will kill the person who did this to you.’

Leaning forward, I kissed her lips before I lifted the corner of the shroud and placed it gently over her. Tears streamed down my face as I scattered a handful of earth upon the sheet.

I turned to the sky. ‘Irini!’ I cried out, and gripping the hem of my dress, I tugged at it with all my strength, welcoming the pain in my wrist, wanting more than I was able to bear. The cloth tore apart and I ripped it all the way to my waist. I started to say the words that go with the Jewish tradition of rending the clothes of life, ‘Blessed are You, Our God, Ruler of the Universe, the True Judge.’ But it was impossible to disguise my anger at God and His angels. He’d stolen Irini from me! My punishment because I’d killed three soldiers? They were Nazis who’d taken my family away and Irini’s loved ones too. What God would consider this as just? What sort of God allowed such a diabolical imbalance of fairness?

‘Irini! Irini! Irini!’ I cried to the heavens.

A hand fell gently on my shoulder. I looked up to see a visibly upset Nathanial. He sniffed hard and said, ‘Come on, little one. Let’s cover her now.’ He folded back the shroud, brought two coins from his pocket and placed them on her eyes.

‘Why are you doing that?’ I whispered.

‘To pay Charon who will ferry her across the river Styx to Hades. When it comes to religion, best to play safe. After all, the only person here who knows where death leads us is Irini.’

Oddly enough, his words calmed me. I imagined Irini on a journey to the Elysian Fields. A final resting place for the souls of the heroic and the virtuous. A land to which I’d travel myself one day. I knew she’d wait for me and I envisioned her standing on the riverbank, arms wide, eyes sparkling as they so often did when we were alone together. I placed my hand on her cold cheek. ‘If Nathanial’s right, don’t pay the ferryman until you’re safe, Irini. We don’t know where his loyalty lies. I’ll join you soon, my dearest friend. I’ll see you on the other side.’ Fresh tears blinded me. I wiped them away and took a long, last look at the woman who had taken my heart. Sadness dragged me down as I placed the white cloth over her sweet face, and replaced the earth.

*

Nathanial and I walked towards the villa in silence. My cheeks were stiff with dried tears. Each step further away from Irini became more grudging and leaden. I had nothing to say, the pain in my throat so intense I doubted I would ever speak again. Irini’s words were ringing in my ears.

Don’t leave me, Dora. I’m desperately afraid I’ll never see you again.

My cold bones ached for her.

‘Nathanial, was Xanthi responsible for Irini’s death?’

He nodded. ‘Xanthi guessed you were on a mission. She informed the gestapo, and we think she also said that Irini probably knew the details of your assignment, or at least the whereabouts of our hideout, the villa.’

‘In that case, I must be Xanthi’s executioner.’

He stared at me for a moment, then nodded once more. I swung around and raced back to the hut.

I needed Giovanni’s comforting words. Desperate for him to hold me tight and tell me everything would be all right, as he did when he fixed my broken wrist. Giovanni could take some of my pain away.

I broke through the bushes and there he was: Giovanni with Evangelisa in his arms, and his lips against hers. ‘What are you doing?’ I ran at them.

Evangelisa squealed and dived into the cabin.

Giovanni raised his hands to avoid my blows. ‘Stop! Stop!’ he yelled. ‘She wanted to know what a real kiss felt like; that’s all!’