Page 105 of Villa of Secrets

Friday, 22 September 1944

I could not update my journal any sooner. Apparently, I was sick with malaria and they say I was in fits of delirium that kept me talking gibberish. For my own safety, and for the safety of the Andartes, it was decided that I should not be taken to hospital.

At the Villa, Josie looked after me. By the time I began to recover, Giovanni had signed for the army. He came to say goodbye, but our meeting was not a happy one. I was devastated that the war was taking somebody I loved once again.

‘I have to ask: did you shoot your sister because I kissed her?’ he asked quietly.

‘No, of course not. It was a terrible, terrible mistake, Giovanni. Can’t you understand how I feel? I killed my own sister. She was all I had left. I thought she was Xanthi – she was supposed to be Xanthi! I don’t know how it happened; one moment Xanthi was there, so I fired, and Evangelisa was killed. By me. I’ll never forgive myself. Please, please believe me!’

‘How can I, after the things you said? You hated her, all because of a kiss.’

‘You don’t understand, Giovanni. I’d been to see Irini.’ My voice fell to a whisper. ‘I was devastated, angry, and then I saw you two kissing and said things I didn’t mean.’ With that, I broke down.

‘But she didn’t know that. She idolised you. She was going to the hut to beg your forgiveness.’ His eyes tearing up, his voice ragged. ‘I told her to go and talk to you in the evening because I knew you wouldn’t turn her away in the forest at night. I’m the reason she went down that street when she did.’ He put his hands over his face. ‘It’s my fault she’s dead. She was a child, and she died believing you really hated her and never wanted to see her again.’

I could not speak for crying.

He seemed to hesitate. ‘I don’t know what to think anymore.’ He came towards me, and I was sure he was about to take me in his arms, but he pulled the catapult from his belt and thrust it at me. ‘Keep this until I come back. I have to come to terms with all this.’ He started to leave, picking up my duffel on his way. ‘I need this.’ He turned and looked me in the eye. ‘One day I’ll return it.’ With that, he left for the army.

Sunday, 1 October 1944

Although I am recovered from the sickness, I can’t get over killing my own sister, or the murder of Irini. The details of both deaths remain a secret between Nathanial, Tassos, Giovanni, and myself.

My strength came back slowly, although my heart was broken and pure misery coursed through my veins. I told Josie that I wanted to return to the hut. Nathanial gave his permission, so long as I took Giovanni’s dog with me. In the villa’s opulent bathroom, I bathed and washed my hair in warm water pumped up from the wood stove. I dressed, made sure my weapon was ready for use, and placed it in the bag slung across my chest.

‘I’m going, Josie. Thanks for taking care of me. You saved my life.’

She hugged me. ‘Stay safe, little one. I’m always here if you need me.’

The men were busy in the big room, planning their next espionage, so I slipped out of the rear door. I tied a rope to Kopay, and together we set off through the dense woodland.

The paths through the woods had overgrown and I soon lost my way. Kopay found everything interesting. She tugged on the rope, vacuuming scents from the ground, snuffling and muttering her analysis. Tired of being pulled by a dog that weighed as much as me, I let her off the leash for a run-about. I lay on my back, staring up, wondering what would become of Pandora Cohen.

The treetops towered above me, and from my supine position it looked like they painted white fluffy clouds on the deep-blue autumn sky. Mesmerised, I watched the changing cloud shapes until men’s voices interrupted my fantasies. All the horror of Seven Springs came back as I realised they were Germans.

I rolled onto my knees, crawled into the dense scrub, then unbuckled my gun bag. Kopay returned, sniffed around and, discovering where I was, lay in a nearby patch of sunlight. I hardly dared to breathe, my ears alert to every noise in the forest. The soldiers were ambling about with no apparent purpose. They talked quietly and, horrified, I realised they were heading straight towards the villa. Kopay stood, her ears up, alert. I stuck my arm out of the bush and drew a line in the air. She lay in the sunlight once more, deathly still, only her big eyes darting here and there. As I crouched between her and the enemy, I knew she sensed danger, or perhaps my fear.

What to do?

I decided to wait and make sure they were alone before following at a distance. If they missed the villa, then best to let them go, but if they found it, I had no choice but to take action.

A flock of migrating starlings crashed into the treetops, their boisterous chatter loud as hail on a window, breaking my concentration on the soldiers. Kopay leapt to her feet, nose in the air. Afraid she’d bark, I said, ‘Ssh!’ and drew a line again. She hit the ground. The birds took off in one swirling, shape-shifting formation which threw a shadow over everything. I took advantage of the chaos and rushed forward to my next cover where I strained to hear the soldiers.

In the distance, one of them laughed good-humouredly. Instantly, Danial came to mind, then Xanthi’s words: Imagine who that person might be . . . somebody’s father or brother. Wouldn’t you compare their family to your own?

Overcome by cowardice, I wanted to shut my eyes and make it all go away. My attempt to end the war, alone, was futile. Hunched under the scrub, I faced my own private battle. Was I a deserter? Was my only purpose on earth to have children and keep a clean house, like my mother whom nobody took seriously? No!

Poor Mama.

I listened again, oriented myself once again, and rushed quietly from bush to bush. I caught up with the soldiers near the wall of trees and, staying low, I slipped the pistol out of my bag. They stopped, sat on their haunches and smoked a cigarette. I didn’t move a hair until a rustle behind me made my skin shrink. I spun around.

The dog’s eyes met mine. I drew a line again and she dropped to the ground without a sound. One of the Germans urinated against a tree, but as they were about to skirt the wall of trees, a noise came from the villa. Somebody shouted, ‘Josie!’

Alert, the soldiers swung their machine guns forward, and one unclipped a grenade from his belt. They pushed through the dense vegetation, squeezing between tree trunks, until they stopped with the villa in full view.

They exchanged a few quiet words. One pointed to the left, while turning to the right. They were going to split up, in which case I’d have no way to shoot them both.

Two clean shots were required, I wouldn’t get a second chance against their machine guns. I focused on the one with the grenade. After a steadying breath, I squeezed the trigger.