Page 40 of Love Me Again

“Yeah.” And wouldn’t that be weird, having a baby underfoot? “And you’re going to have to change diapers.”

Micah pulled a face. “No way. That’s Mom and Shane’s job. I’m just…”

“You’re going to be his big brother. Younger brothers get pretty annoying, take it from the most annoying. It might pain me to say this, but you’ve got the best example of what it means to be a big brother in your stepdad. So, no matter what, no matter how anxious you’re feeling about all the changes coming up, I know you’re all going to be okay. You all love each other too much not to be.”

“How come you and Shane fight so much if he’s such a good older brother?”

Boone blew out a breath. Damn this kid and his too smart questions. “Because sometimes…two people are just different. And it rubs the wrong way for a while.” Boone looked down at his lap, trying to find the right words for an impressionable teenager. “I spent a lot of time being an immature asshole, refusing to try to understand why Shane was the way he was or digging into the way I was without asking myself…all the questions Shane always asks himself. Am I doing it right? Am I helping people? He isn’t perfect, we both know that, but he’s always trying to be. I was always trying not to be since I knew I couldn’t be as good as him. So we’ve rubbed each other the wrong way for a long time. Doesn’t mean we don’t love each other or support each other. Shane’s always been there for me, even when I didn’t deserve it. And I know he always will be. That goes for me. That goes for you. But you know that.”

Micah nodded.

“He’s your dad, Micah. Blood doesn’t matter. Love matters. And he loves you. Same as he’s going to love your brother. No difference there. I can guarantee it.”

For the briefest second, Micah leaned his head against Boone’s shoulder, reminding Boone that even a fourteen-year-old sometimes felt like a little kid underneath all that teenage angst.

After a few beats of silence, and Micah straightening, someone in front of them cleared their throat. Boone jumped, whipped his head up, felt himself go a little pale.

It was Shane.

“Your mom was wanting some cookies,” he said to Micah, his voice rough. “Maybe you could bring them up to her. Without sneaking more than one.”

Micah jumped up, took the outstretched plate from Shane’s hand, but he didn’t immediately rush off. Just held it, staring at Shane.

“Okay, you can sneak two, but don’t blame me when Mom complains,” Shane said.

Micah nodded, looked from the cookies to Shane again. “Don’t worry. I’m going to be a good big brother. Just like you. Dad.”

Boone didn’t know if it was a first—he’d certainly never heard Micah call Shane dad. Based on Shane’s shell-shocked reaction, Boone figured it was.

Micah dashed off, leaving Shane and Boone in the middle of too many emotional upheavals to count.

“He, uh, was just feeling a little…scared. About baby stuff.”

Shane nodded, hands deep in his pockets. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t leave. Maybe he was still reeling from the whole dad thing. When he finally spoke, he had to clear his throat first. “I kind of thought… It was too late, you know? I came into his life too late for…that.”

Dad.

Boone had to clear his own throat. “Guess not.”

“I know you probably didn’t mean it⁠—”

“I did,” Boone said firmly. “Every word.”

“I could have probably not worked so hard to make you feel like a fuckup.”

“I did that on my own. I never doubted that I’d be forgiven any and all of my fuckups, even if I got a hard time for them. I always knew I could come home. So, no. Whatever… That isn’t on you. Any of you. It was my shit.” Boone got to his feet, tried not to wince at the pain in his leg, because Shane worried.

Shane swallowed audibly, clearly not convinced. So Boone did something he’d never done before.

Worked on convincing.

“Look. I spent so much time sure that I couldn’t blame the way I felt on Dad dying, because I don’t remember him the way you guys do. I guess I felt like…I didn’t have the right for it to mess me up. And, even though that was something I decided myself, I guess I resented everyone for it. That only made it worse. Never admitting that at least some of my shit might stem from that…thing that changed everything. For all of us. Even if it wasn’t the same. So you shouldn’t feel guilty. For anything. We all did the best we could, and your best is a lot better than most.”

Shane stared at him, a bit like he’d grown an extra head. Of course, Boone spouting what was going on in his head and his heart was probably the metaphorical equivalent to a second head.

Then Shane smiled a little. “Who would I be if I didn’t feel some guilt, Boone?”

Boone managed a bit of a rusty laugh at that. “I guess not such a good big brother. And dad.”