Page 28 of Love Me Again

But she remembered what it felt like to confide in other women. To get advice on things like what to do about a guy. She remembered frank talk about kissing and how far to go and… Oh, that had been immature and a little silly and she was an adult now, one who’d been married, but it was the same kind of thing. The topics were just more serious.

And God she needed someone to talk to.

“So, if your asshole ex showed up here, and you hate him, obviously. Would you still feel…attracted to him?”

Lou snorted. “God no.”

Molly shook her head. “He wasn’t even that good in bed.” She put her pointer finger and thumb very close together, then dissolved in a fit of giggles.

“If these things are genetic, I doubt Boone has that problem,” Cora offered.

Which caused Molly’s humor to die. “Ew.”

Which might have been funny—it all might have been hilarious—if Josie was about two drinks drunker and wasn’t miserable over the question.

“So, what exactly happened that has you asking this question, Josie?” Cora—obviously not drinking and far more interested in keeping the conversation on track than Lou who was more interested in teasing Molly—pressed.

“Nothing, really. There was this moment before dinner, and he looked and me, and I just… I remembered how good it was and…” She shook her head, trying to shake the memory with it. “And then after dinner and he smiled…” It was stupid and pathetic. She wasn’t stupid or pathetic. So. “Well, he’s the only guy I’ve ever been with. Maybe that’s why.”

Lou and Cora shared a look. Josie thought it was a knowing, married look. Like because they’d married men they loved who didn’t run away when bad things happened, they had a better understanding of the world than Josie.

“Maybe,” Cora agreed slowly. “But also sometimes it’s that good because it’s the right guy.”

“Don’t listen to her. She’s blinded by love,” Molly said in disgust. “I’m sure there’s great sex out there without love.”

“Had any?” Lou asked, eyebrow raised.

“Maybe,” Molly said, somewhat belligerently.

Lou looked at Josie, shook her head, stage whispered, “she hasn’t.”

“I think… It’s hard for me to answer your question in any kind of way that might help,” Cora said, ignoring Molly and Lou’s playful sparring and focusing on Josie’s dilemma. “My ex was very attractive, and the sex was pretty good, I guess, at first. Exciting anyway, because I knew I shouldn’t. But after a while, he hit me. He tried to hit Micah. That’s not really something I could or would set aside after the fact. So, I don’t have that experience of being attracted to him, because whatever was there before, wasn’t there after he crossed those lines.”

“I always thought Gavin was hotter than my ex, so…” Lou shrugged. “Nothing to pine after there. Dating Rex was more of a crisis of self-worth punishment than love of any kind. The sex could be okay, but it wasn’t anywhere near as good as it is with Gavin⁠—”

“Again, ew,” Molly interjected.

“So, I wouldn’t think about it if Rex showed up again, because I have what I want,” Lou finished, patting her pregnant belly happily.

All eyes turned to Molly, who huffed out a breath. “I’d as soon take care of anything myself—considering I could and he couldn’t—than ever let that cheating asshole even look at me again. But we’re bad examples,” she added, clearly trying to cheer Josie up.

“Of course, there’s nothing wrong with having sex with an ex who wasn’t a total asshole,” Cora offered. “We wouldn’t judge you.”

“No! No. That is not what I meant. I just…something must be wrong with me, right? To think about that when I should just be angry. When I should hate him and all those feelings should be gone. Long gone.”

“There’s nothing wrong with you.” All three women said it, not exactly in unison, but with the exact same fervor.

Josie wanted to cry. Because it was so kind. And also probably because of the alcohol. And maybe the past six months. Or two years. Or her whole damn life taking care of everyone else and never… Oh, Dad and Boone had tried. She knew they had tried in their own ways at different times to take care of her.

But it wasn’t like this.

“I just wonder if maybe you’re able to feel that way because what Boone did was forgivable,” Cora said gently. “Not that you should forgive him or that you have to. Just the things we’ve dealt with are kind of clear lines in the sand. So, it’s easy enough for us. You’re in a muddier water.”

She understood what they meant. But… “He left me.” That wasn’t muddy. It couldn’t be.

“If it helps, I haven’t seen him with a woman or heard even a whisper of him being with a woman since he’s been home, and that is not Boone’s usual MO. I just thought it was because he was hurt.”

“Maybe it was,” Josie said miserably.