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“No!” The word came out strangled. “Just... just leave it alone. Please.”

“I can't.” Evie's voice cracked. “Don't you think I know? Don't you think I lie awake every night knowing that if it wasn't for me, you never would have been taken? That you never would have been...” She couldn't finish the sentence.

More water spilled as my hands started shaking harder. “Don't.”

“I should have found another way. I should have been smarter, faster, something. I should have been able to keep you safe.” Tears were streaming down Evie's face now. “I failed you in every way that mattered.”

“It's not your fault.” The words felt like glass in my throat.

“Yes, it is.”

“It's not!” But even as I said it, something dark and ugly reared up inside my chest. “But⁠—”

“But you blame me anyway.” Evie's voice was barely a whisper. “You hate me for it.”

The bowl slipped from my nerveless fingers, crashing to the floor in an explosion of ceramic and water. The sound seemed to break something open inside me.

“I have hated you!” The words exploded out of me like a dam bursting. “I've hated you so much I couldn't breathe! I've hated you for not knowing, for not stopping it, for not being perfect and brilliant and fixing it!” I was sobbing now, the words coming in ragged gasps. “And then I hated myself for hating you because I know it's not your fault, but I can't stop! I can't make it stop!”

I sank to my knees in the puddle of water and broken ceramic, my whole body shaking. “I've been so angry, Evie. At you, at me, at God, at everyone. And I don't know how to stop being angry. I don't know how to forgive you for something that isn't even your fault!”

Evie knelt beside me, not caring about the water soaking through her jeans. “Oh, baby...”

“I'm so sorry.” I couldn't look at her. “I'm so messed up. I know you would have saved me if you could. I know that. But my brain doesn't care what I know. It just keeps screaming that you should have done something, anything, and⁠—”

“Chloe, look at me.” Evie's hands were on my face, forcing me to meet her eyes. “Do you think I care if you hate me? Do you honestly think that matters to me even a little bit?”

I stared at her through my tears.

“The only thing that matters, the only thing, is that you're here. That you're breathing. That you're fighting.” Her voice was fierce now. “You can hate me for the rest of your life if that's what it takes for you to heal. I don't care. I just need you to be okay.”

“But I don't want to hate you,” I whispered. “I'm so tired of being angry all the time.”

“Then don't be.” She pulled me into her arms, and for the first time in months, I let her. “Be angry when you need to be. Hate me when you have to. But don't you dare apologize for surviving.”

I buried my face in her shoulder and cried until I had nothing left. When I finally pulled back, I felt hollow but somehow lighter, like I'd been carrying a weight I didn't even know was there.

“I missed you,” I admitted, my voice raw.

“I missed you too.” She brushed the hair back from my face, her fingers gentle on my scar. “And for the record? I haven't been able to eat a cheeseburger since you stopped talking to me. Just hamburgers. What's the point without cheese?”

Despite everything, I found myself smiling. “Cheese is life.”

“Dude, are you going to get that?”

I turned to see what Drake was talking about, and realized that Zarek was looking at his buzzing phone. Seeing the strained look on his face, I realized something was wrong.

“What is it?”

“I have to go. We have a big one. This is my day on duty—I need to get back to the station house.” He gave Drake a significant look.

“I’ve got her, man. Do what you need to do.”

“How bad is it?” I asked.

He glanced at his phone. “There are multiple stations involved. I’ll know more when I get to the scene. I’ll only be able to text you the one time.” I could hear the pain in his voice.

I shook my head. “It’s okay, it’s the job, I understand.” And I did. I fucking hated it, but I did.