Page 128 of Until Joy

Now you've failed Joy, too.

I closed my eyes, imagining her face as she was pushed into the trunk of a car by someone she trusted. The confusion. The fear. The moment she realized what was happening to her.

She trusted you to keep her safe. She believed in you. And where is she now?

The monitors beside my bed started beeping faster as my heart rate climbed. July looked up from her phone call, concern creasing her features.

“Graham.” Her voice cut through the noise in my head. “You're spiraling.”

I opened my eyes and met her gaze. Did July understand veterans? The way we sometimes retreated into our own heads when the weight of responsibility became too much to bear.

“I should have seen this coming.” The words tasted like ash in my mouth. “Should have known it was Glenda.”

“How?” Kayan stopped pacing and fixed me with a sharp look. “She fooled all of us. Even me, and I’m a suspicious bitch.”

“That's my job. Reading people. Seeing threats before they materialize.”

“Your job is loving Joy and keeping her safe,” July said. The same words Joy had spoken to me after the SWATing incident. “You can't predict every possible attack.”

But I could hear the doubt creeping into my own thoughts. The same voice that had whispered poison after Africa. The same poison that wouldn’t allow me to face my father again.

You're not good enough. You never were. You let your team down, and now you've let Joy down, too.

The beeping grew more insistent. My hands started shaking, and not from the medication wearing off.

Then Joy's voice echoed in my memory. Not the panicked one from my imagination, but the strong, determined woman who'd crawled into my lap after I'd told her about my failures overseas.

You accomplished the impossible, Graham. You got Kent out alive when you both should have died.

I remembered the way she'd looked at me when she said those words. Like she could see straight through to the core of who I was and found me worthy anyway.

You've been carrying Kent and Todd and Roy and Hamm on your shoulders because you couldn't accept that sometimes good men die and there's nothing their team leader can do about it.

The beeping slowed as my heart rate dropped back toward normal. The crushing weight on my chest started lifting again.

Joy was right. I'd been so focused on the mission that went wrong that I'd forgotten about all the ones that went right. All the men I'd brought home safely. All the objectives we'd accomplished against impossible odds.

And right now, Joy needed the man who'd survived twelve years as a Navy SEAL. Not the broken veteran who beat himself up over things beyond his control.

I sat up straighter in the hospital bed, ignoring the fire in my ribs. My mind cleared, shifting into the tactical mode that had kept me alive in hostile territory.

Glenda had Joy, but she'd made mistakes. Left evidence. Exposed herself on security cameras. Every second that passed gave us more information to work with.

We were going to find her. We were going to bring Joy home. And Glenda was going to pay for what she'd done.

“That's better.” July's voice carried approval. “I can see you coming back to us.”

I reached over and yanked the IV from my arm, ignoring the sharp sting as the needle came free. Blood welled up, but I pressed my thumb over the spot to stop the bleeding.

“Graham, what are you doing?” Kayan moved closer to the bed.

“Getting the hell out of here.” I swung my legs over the side of the bed, the room tilting slightly before my vision cleared. “I need my pants.”

Neither woman looked surprised. July walked to the small closet and pulled open the door.

“There aren't any pants in here.” She turned back to me with empty hands. “Just your bloody shirt from the accident.”

“I don't give a shit.” I stood up, testing my balance. The hospital gown barely covered my ass, but modesty was the least of my concerns right now. I grabbed the thin blanket from the bed and wrapped it around my waist. “Let's go.”