Page 28 of Lawson & Jill

“Ash tried to tell me that he was the one who should have seen the signs. That he should’ve been able to stop him.” Law’s low laugh sounded anguished. “He’s so wrong. It was me. I was the last one to talk to Xave.”

Jill curled her hand around the back of Law’s neck. It was warm and damp to the touch. God, she wanted to bring him solace, but she knew the best thing she could do was to get him to talk and then listen.

“You’ve never really told me about Xavier.” Jill didn’t say anything else, she just waited.

“Xave never talked about it. It wasn’t until after he was gone that Ash and I dug it up. We had to figure it out, ya know?”

Jill nodded. When he didn’t continue, she realized he didn’t see her because he was staring off into space. “I know. So, what did you find out?”

“The mission was classified, so nobody was supposed to know exactly what happened for him to get the medal, but Ash’s SEAL team buddy, Kane got the file. Xavier was recce. He liked it that way. Hell, that’s what he did for Ash and me whenever we pulled some prank as kids.”

“What’s recce?”

“Reconnaissance and surveillance. He would scout out ahead for his team. Keep them safe. He’d take care of any problems so that the rest of the team could have safe passage.”

“Got it.”

“They were tasked to take a hill. Goddamn hills will get you killed because the enemy has the high ground. But Xavier had his buddy, Tom. They’d been together since boot camp, and they were up for the job. But it ended up being a trap. They didn’t know it, but they’d been sold out by one of the Afghan fighters. He’d arranged for the Taliban to take the team’s flank, so while Xavier and Tom were hundreds of meters ahead of the rest of the group, the Taliban was sneaking up behind their team.”

Jill had heard about the loyalty and fierceness of the Afghan fighters, and she couldn’t believe they had betrayed Xavier and his men. “What happened next?”

“Since Xavier and Tom were a sniper team, they made their way back down the hill and started to pick off the Taliban, but then they started getting shot at from the enemy at the top of the hill. It was a bloody mess. A medevac couldn’t come in with all the Taliban snipers. Xavier and Tom kept them at bay for five hours. During a lull at three a.m., Xavier went hunting. He climbed up the hill and took out the four men on the top of the hill. When that was done, he and Tom made their way to the rest of the team who had been trapped. Tom started giving aid to the wounded and called in the medevac, while Xavier and two others took off to finish off the men who’d ambushed them from below. By the time the helicopter arrived, all members of the Taliban were dead. So was half of Xavier’s unit. All because they were sold out.”

Jill thought she might throw up.

“He never talked about it. Rumors spread all through the Spec Ops community that it had been a goddamn massacre. Xave came out without a scratch on him. It was a goddamn miracle, and I know, I just know, it made him feel so much worse. It didn’t matter that he was responsible for saving his team members who did live.” His voice trailed off. Once again, he was staring off into space. He shuddered.

“Then it got worse for him,” he whispered.

“What happened?”

“Ash and I insisted on a deep-sea fishing trip in the Gulf. Some of his team came along. Ash and I thought that would be good. It wasn’t. Xavier never got a chance to pay for one drink. They treated him like the second coming. I remember thinking how cool that was that they were so grateful to my brother the hero.”

His voice was bitter.

“Now I realize he was distanced from the very men he should have been able to look to for support.”

Jill could feel the tension in Law’s muscles and the anger in his voice.

“There’s more, isn’t there?”

Law took a moment, then his electric blue eyes were staring down at her. He nodded.

“I was the last one to talk to him.” His whispered words were anguished. “Jill, I’ve researched it. He did all the classic shit. He was mirroring what he needed. He kept picking at me, wanting to know if I was okay. Wanting to know if there was anything wrong, if there was anything I needed to talk about.”

His eyes shimmered with tears. She cupped his face.

“And?”

“I actually laughed and flipped him shit. I said I was fine and told him to get a life.” He choked out those last words. “I told him to get a fucking life, can you believe it?”

Jill thought her heart would break. She pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. To his cheek. On his brow. Then she pulled back and looked at him.

“Love, you didn’t know what you didn’t know. Would you want Xavier hurting this badly for something he didn’t understand?” She gripped his big shoulders, her fingers digging in. “Would Xavier want you in this much pain? Would he want you holding onto this much guilt?”

“I don’t care what he would have wanted.” Law’s voice shook. A tear broke loose. “I want him here so I can kick his ass.”

Law took a deep breath, and gave a semblance of a smile. “That’s so not true. I just want him here and happy. Or I want him somewhere, happy and at peace. Jill, there was nobody better, and he deserved to have the best life had to offer.”