Page 81 of Temporarily in Love

Why was I crying? I should be happy I wasn’t pregnant, but disappointment lodged in my chest when I saw the negative results.

It was like all the emotions I’d been shoving down inside were bubbling up to the surface. All the things I didn’t want to decide on were demanding answers now. I knew then what I had known for the past few weeks but had been avoiding.

I didn’t want to go home to California. I wanted to move back to freaking Drakesville, Pennsylvania. To my nosy hometown and be with the man I loved. Declan was the only man I had ever loved, and it may have taken us several years to get here, but thinking I was pregnant and finding out I wasn’t solidified my feelings.

I wanted to be with Declan. I wanted to be with him so badly, and I didn’t want to leave him with a broken heart, not again.

When my sister came to find me, I was wiping away my tears and staring down at the negative pregnancy test.

She knelt beside me. “Oh, Lila, it’ll be okay.”

I shook my head. “No. I’m not pregnant.”

She pulled back and gave me a funny look. “Oh. Then what’s with the tears?”

“I’m kinda disappointed.”

Her brow creased as she stared at me.

I sighed. “I want to have a baby.”

“Oh!” she exclaimed. “Did you try to do this on purpose?”

I shook my head. “No. But when I was sitting here, it hit me…I want that with him. I want to get married to him and have lots of cute near-sighted babies.”

“And you want to buy the bar?”

I nodded. “Dad passive-aggressively said he’d only sell it to me if I move back.”

My sister grabbed my hands. “Oh, Lil, you don’t have to buy the bar. If Dad sells, Brian and I will figure it out.”

“But…I want to. I’ve been feeling this pull to stay here. I don’t want to be a lawyer anymore. And I definitely don’t want to go home with my heart shattered because I let Declan go again.”

“I want to make sure you’re doing it because you want to.”

I nodded. “I’m sad I’m not pregnant. But it made me realize how much time I lost with Declan. I don’t regret going to Stanford. It allowed me to have the money to buy the bar, but I regret how it took me sixteen years to come back to him. Years I wasted on awful men. Years without the one man I loved more than anything. So many lost years without my best friend.”

Kelsey hugged me. “I knew he was the only one for you, but unlike Mom, I wanted you to figure that out on your own. So what’s the plan?”

I sighed. “I gotta go home.”

Her face fell. “I’m confused.”

I shook my head. “No, I’m coming back, but I gotta go home and sell my house and get my finances in order. And tell Dad I’m moving back.”

She held a hand up. “Okay, slow down. You don’t need to go home this very second. How about you talk to Dad first, and then you go talk to Declan? Tell him everything you just told me.”

I nodded and tossed the pregnancy tests in the trash.

She was right. I didn’t need to rush home. Before I did all that, I needed to talk to Declan and tell him how I felt. The whole time I was here, we were holding back because we knew this was going to end, but I didn’t want it to end. The moment I kissed him on the zipper, I knew I was never going back. I knew my heart wanted to stay.

I stood up and my sister hugged me. “I’m so glad you’re moving back. I just wanted it to be your decision.”

I nodded. “This is what I want. I better go talk to Dad.”

I hugged her goodbye, got into my rental car, and went to my parents’ house. I didn’t know if Dad was still at the bar, but when I walked inside, I found him and my mom starting dinner.

“Hey, honey!” Mom said to me.