Page 97 of UNAwere

‘Goodnight,’ I say quickly. ‘I, um, I’m sorry again. I hope you can get back to sleep.’

I turn my back again and squeeze my eyes closed, burrowing my head against the pillow. The space between my legs is still aching, and I can smell us in the sheets, but I force all of it aside and will myself to sleep.

I’m in the motel’s restaurant helping myself to coffee the next morning when Jude comes through the door.

He spies me across the room, and I see his face tighten when our eyes meet. I quickly look away, ducking my head where I sit at the counter.

He brings with him his smell: clean, now that we’ve both showered and rid ourselves of each other. Of any evidence of what we did last night.

‘Morning,’ he says softly, taking the cup of coffee I hand him.

I snuck out while he was showering, and I’m surprised to hear no note of frustration in his tone. Maybe it’s because I bought him a coffee, too.

‘How are you?’ I say casually.

‘Fine. You?’

‘Great!’ I beam at him and then quickly go back to sipping.

‘I packed the car. Ready when you are.’

‘Awesome.’

He clears his throat, shifting his weight on the counter, and his arm brushes mine. I close my eyes.

‘It’s almost over, huh?’ I say, edging away from him. ‘Crazy how time flies when you’re having fun.’

‘You need anything?’ he murmurs.

I frown. ‘What do you mean?’

‘For the drive. Snacks? Drinks?’

I meet his gaze and laugh. ‘Oh, so I get a treat for making it all the way?’

He blinks at me, deadpan. And I know he was just trying to be accommodating, unsure how to act with this gigantic, naked thing between us, but I can’t stop throwing up these humour-filled walls. They’re my armour, and right now I need them more than anything.

‘I’m good,’ I say, shaking my head. ‘Thank you, though.’

We set off not long after.

When I offer to drive again, I’m surprised when Jude throws me the keys. We get in, and I take us down the road that winds through the valley, using my phone to guide us the rest of the way.

The last part of the trip is how I expected it to be when I woke up this morning and saw Jude in the bed next to me. When we made eye contact across the pillow wall I built, and his face dropped, brow buckling.

Awkward. Tense. Quiet.

I lean over and flip on the radio, desperate to have something fill the silence that’s not, for once, my own voice. We’ve been getting closer to the mountains, and no matter how beautiful they are, I can’t seem to summon enough energy to feel enthusiastic about it.

Only when I see on the dashboard’s screen that we only have ten minutes left does my heart lurch, and I realise, very quickly, that I don’t want this to end.

Jude’s grown tense in his chair, which isn’t much of a change from what he’s been doing the entire time: sitting in the passenger seat, brooding. He looks tired. I don’t think he slept much after what happened last night. I know, because I hardly did, too.

‘I spy something with my little eye…’ I start, side-eying him.

He doesn’t take the bait, still staring through the windshield.

‘Something beginning with “C”.’