Page 55 of Rockland

His face falls, his gaze heavy. He holds my hand tightly as he says, “Why?”

“You’re here. I’m there.”

“We can make it work, Tess.”

There is no hope in my heart. Sometimes, things just don’t work out like you want them to. Coming here has made me realize that we belong in different worlds. I say, “These are your people. You belong with your people.”

His brow knits in a look akin to disbelief. He says, “I care very much for them. But I care for you more. I’m trying to tell you I’ve loved you since I met you. My brother’s wife. I knew it was wrong. I knew he was what you needed and that you’d find every happiness with him and I would never get in the way of that.”

“You’ve—cared for me that long?”

“Right from the moment Brett introduced us. I felt a tug right here,” his hand hovers over his heart, “just at the sight of your face. Beauty edged with determination. And the fire in your eyes. It made me feel something I’d never felt before. And I knew in that moment, I was ruined. But I thought I could handle it. Thought I could keep my place in the Village. Avoid you. I told myself it was nothing but an infatuation. Then I got to know you better. Became enchanted by the sound of your honeyed voice. Maddened by your spoiled nature. After a year, I knew I couldn’t play the happy brother-in-law. And it wouldn’t be fair to Brett, to live alongside him, all the while wanting his wife. So I brought an idea to Bronson. Told him how I felt about you. And that I needed to leave. Bronson understood. Agreed with my notion that having an offshore branch could only benefit the family. I created the Parish to escape the reality of not being with you. And the day of your wedding, I left.”

“I thought you despised me. You were always leering at me…”

“Was I leering? I apologize. I was angry. Angry at myself for lusting after you. And, let’s be honest, you were a bit of a handful. Half the time I was gazing at you I was picturing myself taking you over my knee and spanking that fantastic, sassy ass of yours.”

“I… didn’t know that was the case. I’m sorry you had to go through that. It sounds… impossible. Well, except the part about fantasizing about spanking me. That was just poor manners on your part.” My joke is rewarded with a crooked half smile that melts my heart. His features soften as he gazes at me, making me brave enough to ask, “Why’d you never tell me how you felt?”

“It would be against the code of the Brotherhood. Against my own personal moral code. You were Brett’s. And I would never do anything to come between the two of you. Hence why I felt it was best if I left.”

“What you’ve created here… it’s amazing. You’ve built a wonderful life for yourself.”

“It’s true. My life is here. But my heart has always been with you. I would do anything to be with you. Only one thing would stop me.”

I feel as if I can’t breathe. “What would stop you?”

“The only thing keeping me from living the rest of my life caring for you, protecting you, loving you, pleasuring you… is you.”

“What do you mean?”

“I never wanted to force myself on you. Knowing how strongly I felt about you, I didn’t want to influence your decision. Or say, become a crutch for you in your time of grief and loneliness that you confused for love. I wanted to see if you came to those feelings for me on your own. If it was love. If you wanted me.” His gaze burns through mine. My heart stops beating in my chest. He opens his mouth slowly and I hold my breath, awaiting his words. He says, “Tess, I’m in love with you. I always have been.”

Deep down, buried within me, had I somehow known this? Chosen Brett because he was the right man for me at the time, the safe choice? Was he the Bachman that I needed in my life? But now, with Brett gone, and Rockland taking his place in the hierarchy, it seems as if fate has placed us here. As if the wondrous universe knew that with the passing of my beloved Brett, the healing for both Rockland and me would be found in one another’s arms?

Did it even matter? How we got here?

All I know is that in this moment, this man has professed his love for me. And in his recent absence, I found that I am utterly, unavoidably, irrevocably crazy in love with him.

Rockland Bachman.

Rhyming name and all.

There’s a tug at my hand. “Tess… you haven’t said a word. Tell me—what are you thinking in that beautiful mind of yours?”

“That I love you. Very much. That when you went back to the Parish, all I could think of was you. That I missed you so much that my crazy ass packed bug repellent and khaki shorts and even a baseball cap, to go after you. To tell you how I felt about you. When I saw that Amazonian princess, I was lit with a fire of jealousy so strong, I thought I’d burn into ashes. As I was running through those woods, I knew I was in love with you. I thought I’d die of a broken heart.”

“You are the only princess in my world.” His gentle words make my heart warm, swell within my chest. His mouth is on mine. Kissing me, caressing me, tasting me.

His tongue coaxes mine, gliding smoothly as he explores. I meet him in a tango, a slippery dance of heat and desire. My tongue finds its courage and tangles with his. His taste—it belongs to me. We’re kissing harder, deeper. My head feels light but not from the injury. It’s a delightful floating feeling—the one that must have coined the term ‘cloud nine.’ My hand runs through his short hair and it’s soft as silk.

Every sense is heightened as if I’m on some wonderful drug. High on his kiss. He pulls me closer, caressing my hair, the back of my neck. Shivers dance down my spine. But I pull away. I’m the type of woman who has to know. I need to know how this will work. What our lives will look like.

How we can possibly make a home together with our worlds so far apart.

“Rockland—I… I can’t see myself investing in this… thing⁠—”

“You mean this love?”