Page 95

It definitely made me feel bad that Milan had doubts about me showing up because Rahesha was planning everything. That could only mean that my younger siblings saw and felt the brunt of me cutting our mom off. I didn’t want that at all, but it was bound to happen. My siblings were smart and not much went over their heads, so they’d probably noticed that things had been different since the holidays. I’m sure they also took note of the fact that Rahesha wasn’t invited to the hospital when Lourdes had Alouri and that she never met her. The Rahehsa I was familiar with would have been complaining around the kids about how she’d been shut out. But I had a strong feeling that she wasn’t doing that because my siblings would have felt bad for her and spoken up on her behalf.

Surprisingly, Rahesha didn’t seem to be looking for sympathy or my money. I guess it wasn’t needed now that she was finally getting money from her baby daddies. I wasn’t speaking to Rahesha, but Aneesah kept me in the loop even though I wasn’t asking her messy ass to tell me anything. But I wasn’t gon’ stunt like I was against hearing anything about the shit our mom had going on. If I was, I would have flat out told Aneesah to stop telling me that lady’s business, but I hadn’t. Admittedly, there was a part of me that wanted to see her get her shit together for my siblings sake. Therefore, I was rooting for her personal growth even though the chances of that happening were low.

But yea, Rahesha hadn’t been bothering me for money because Milan’s dad, Milton, was breaking major bread. That nigga was a whole neurosurgeon, so whatever he was giving wasn’t anything light. I advised Rahesha’s duck ass to put him and her other baby daddies on child support a long time ago. The only bum she procreated with was Phoenix’s thieving ass daddy. Them other niggas had legit careers that she could see a decent amount of child support from. Aneesah claimed that Rahesha had reached out to all of them to ask if they could start pulling their weight financially. Milan’s dad was the only one who sent her money with no argument. The rest of them ignored her, so she went and filed child support on them. I think Milton’s wife was the reason he complied so easily. He wasn’t married when Milan was conceived but he got engaged while my mom was early in her pregnancy. I thought that he’d step up and do the right thing, regardless, because he didn’t straight up ghost Rahesha during her pregnancy. He also showed up to the hospital after Milan was born and signed the birth certificate. But shortly after that he got married and that seemed to be the end of him trying. Rahesha reached out to him to hold him to whatever he promised her. He strung her along with empty promises until his wife hit Rahesha up to tell her that her husband wasn’t doing shit for a child that didn’t come from her. He obviously didn’t want any drama reaching his household nor did he want to be in Milan’s life, so sending money was the easy route. I’m sure Rahesha didn’t give a fuck about that as long as the money hit her account. Shit, I couldn’t bring myself to care about how the nigga was moving either. I would love it if all my siblings had good, active fathers but there was no sense in pushing or begging a mutherfucker to step up in that regard if they didn’t want to. Providing was the bare minimum that my siblings rightfully deserved, so I was cool with them niggas giving money and staying away. If there was anything to be upset about it was that my dumb ass mama didn’t ask for money a long time ago. I always found myself wondering if Rahesha had been dropped on her head as a baby because her decision making was the worst.

Whenever I’d tell her to put them niggas on papers to force them into providing she’d get up on her soap box about not needing anybody to do a damn thing for her because she was good. There was a time where that made me feel like I was doing everything right because she was good because of me. That was exactly why minors couldn’t consent to adult shit because I was so bucked up to provide during a time when I should’ve been doing kid stuff like going to the skating rink or movies. I didn’t see a flaw with Rahesha leaning on me more than the niggas she made kids with until I was in my early 20’s. By then I didn’t care to speak up about it because I couldn’t foresee things changing. It was crazy how much had changed from then to now. It was sad that me cutting her off was what finally pushed her to hold the fathers of her children accountable.

“Well I’ma be there, regardless, Lani. I know things are different, but you can always count on my presence.”

“Awww, that’s so sweet,” Lucia smiled with a Daiquiri in her hand. Sunday’s were her going out days and being a first time grandma hadn’t slowed her tradition down. She went to a parade and a day party with her friends and then she came straight here afterwards. She had clothes in the guest room she occupied whenever she stayed over, so she showered and changed into a jogging suit before joining us for family time. She was lit but she was doing a good job at concealing it around the kids. It wasn’t like they hadn’t seen a drunk person before, though. My mom and her friends were loud and annoying when they got drunk together.

“You believe that I’m coming now, Milan?”

“Yea, but you can’t stay cause it’s all girls...and when you leave you gotta take Phoenix and Zee with you.”

My head bounced back, as everybody else laughed.

“I know that’s right, diva,” Lourdes giggled. “Get everything lined up.”

All I could do was shake my head because her birthday wasn’t for another two months and she was already shooting orders.

“That’s why you want me there? To get rid of Phoenix and Zee?” I asked like I was hurt.

“Well it wasn’t like you were going to spend the night,” she shrugged.

“I’m spending the night,” Phoenix declared, not even bothering to look up from his phone. I didn’t even think he could hear us because he had his airpods in.

“No you’re not! Mommy said no boys.”

“I saw that bnb and it got five rooms,” he finally raised his head. “I don’t care what mama said. I’m staying.”

“You don’t care what mama said? Lil nigga you better watch yourself,” I snarled. Lately he’d been smelling himself, which wasn’t an abnormal thing for most pre-teens. But I was hoping that he didn’t feel like he could disobey our mom because of me. At the end of the day, what I had going on with Rahesha didn’t have shit to do with him or my other younger siblings. They didn’t have a pass to disrespect her because I wasn’t fooling with her.

“So I can’t spend the night at the bnb?”

“Not if mama and Milan said no, Phoenix.”

“That’s not fair,” he grumbled. “Mama I can understand, but Milan?”

“Life ain’t fair. And yea, you gotta respect Milan's mind, too, because it’s her birthday. If she wants all girls to spend the night then that’s her right. Don’t you get everything you ask for when it’s your birthday, nigga?” I posed, while holding back laughter. This lil dude was a trip.

“Cool. I’ma make sure my birthday plans don’t include girls.”

“Hey!” Icelyn exclaimed.

“I’m saying, not we catching strays because Milan is having a sleepover,” Aspen giggled. “That’s not fair, little brother.”

“Life ain’t fair,” he mocked my voice.

I lost it and cracked up along with everybody else.

“Phoenix, stop playing with me before I mink you.”

“Why I gotta get minked? Milan’s the one who’s saying she doesn’t want us at her birthday party.”

“I didn’t say that! Everybody’s invited, everybody just can’t stay! I don’t see Zee complaining.”

“Really? Now you know Zee don’t care about nothing. He barely cares about his own birthday, so of course he don’t care about yours,” Phoenix shot back.