Page 92

Nalyssa

That fat bitch had really looked at me and laughed in my face. Lourdes always had a superior ass attitude and walked around like her shit didn’t stink from the time we were little girls. She grew up in the projects but had the nerve to act like she was better than everybody else. When we were in elementary school she’d do dumb shit like go outside and play in Disney Princess costumes, and that included the plastic kitten heels and tiaras. Of course those project kids teased her, but she’d pop off at the mouth. Her favorite thing to do as a child was call people ugly and poor as if she was rich or the prettiest girl in the world! That uppity shit got her in bukoo fights, but she never lost one. By the time she hit middle school everybody was walking around on eggshells around her and no longer telling her like it was because she couldn’t take criticism. It was the same way in our family. Everybody acted like they were fucking scared of Lourdes. She could do no wrong. It was always oh, Lourdes is so pretty, Lourdes is so fine, Lourdes is doing so good for herself. Blah, Blah, Blah!

She was human and imperfect just like the rest of us, and that was proven when I took her nigga down with my bestfriend. She’d only had one other boyfriend before Kenny and that simp never looked another bitch’s way when he was with her. He was two years older than her, so all the girls in school were dick riding her because she was a freshman dating a junior, who was also a star football player, and she had him sprung. He’d bring her flowers and cute little gifts to school randomly, walk her to her classes, and he took her out damn near every weekend. I’d get so irritated seeing her pop up on my timeline at a cheap ass restaurant or the movies with her lil boyfriend. I was so happy when he went away for college and the long distance tore them apart.

She wasn’t even sad about the breakup, which proved she’d only been using ole boy for the perks of being with him. When she was single and announced it through social media, she seemingly had a list of guys waiting to date her. That’s when she had her hoe stage. At least that’s how it looked to me. She was always texting or on the phone with a nigga. I knew for a fact she linked up with a few because I’d tag along with her. Most of the niggas she was talking to during that time were extremely popular in the city and they were fucking on everything with a cute face and big booty. If I was in one room fucking on one of their friends then I knew she was in the other room getting freaky, too. She always denied doing anything, but that hoe was lying. I didn’t kiss and tell, either, so she wasn’t fooling me of all people with that innocent act.

She met Kenny well into her senior year of high school and he wasted no time making things official between them. That irritated me because she was on her second relationship at only 17. No nigga was about to tie me down because they were all no good. She thought Kenny was cut from the same cloth as her ex and was going to treat her like royalty. It quickly became my mission to show her that she wasn’t special and that niggas could dog walk her, too. I didn’t think me and my best friend would be consistently fucking him for years. It was supposed to be one threesome for my satisfaction only. Somehow it became a recurring thing. It wasn’t like we were doing it every other day or something, but we were always down whenever the mood struck. Catching feelings wasn’t a part of the plan, but it happened naturally over time. My resentment for Princess Lourdes grew because I hated that I had to put my feelings to the side for her. For the longest I didn’t take the feelings I had for Kenny out on her because she had him first. I was very aware that I was the one who was doing something wrong. However, that all changed when I learned that Lourdes and Kenny weren't even feeling each other anymore.

When I first got wind of the problems they were having it was a few months after Kenny’s short-lived popularity from his viral song. He started pillow talking about Lourdes to me and Kayla. I tried to get Lourdes’ side for months, but she wasn’t spilling no real tea. Whenever I’d bring his name up casually she’d roll her eyes or respond vaguely, so I knew there was some truth to what Kenny had been claiming. There was no question that he wasn’t seeing any money because he had been asking me and Kayla for money. Kayla’s duck ass never hesitated to give him whatever he asked for, but I couldn’t afford to do that. I had big girl bills and I wasn’t selling or shaking ass to pay them, so I didn’t have fast money to blow. Anyways, I didn’t get the scoop from Lourdes until she invited me to Kai’s pool party. I had to literally beg for that invitation because that bitch acted like she was too good to hang with me in recent years. I never really cared until I was trying to figure out what was going on between her and Kenny. I just knew that if we were to spend some time together then she’d get to talking, and she did just that before we even made it to the party. She must have been fed up because she was telling all the embarrassing details of how she’d been taking care of a grown ass man for months. After hearing her side and comparing it to Kenny’s, I concluded that they were indeed on the rocks. Then she made me the happiest bitch alive when she announced she was single and done with him. She was obviously drunk, so I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up but I was hopeful about a whole lot.

In a perfect world, Lourdes and Kenny were going to go their separate ways amicably, she’d fall in love with someone else and forget all about him, and I’d let some time go by before I popped out with him. Of course, I’d go to her first and be forthcoming about everything. I’d let her know that we linked up long after they broke up and that we just fell in love. She wouldn’t jump for joy, but she would take it in stride because she’d moved on with her life and was happy. She’d wish us the best and our family would accept us as a couple once they saw how in love we were.

All of that sounded reasonable, but Lourdes was full of shit. She’d busted it wide open for Ali at the party, nevermind the fact that she just met his ass, and then she went right back to talking about Kenny the next morning. I don’t even remember what she said verbatim, but hearing her bring his name up after she declared she was single the night before irritated me. It was a reminder that even if she claimed to be done, they still lived together and had years of history that perhaps they weren’t ready to throw away. It was at that moment I knew my dream was more complicated than I thought. Kenny further confirmed what I was thinking by blowing Lourdes’ phone up with erratic text messages. I didn’t get to see what all he was saying because she wouldn’t let me get a peek, but he was clearly in his feelings and that was sobering. Here I was, risking my family being torn apart just for him to still be pressed over a bitch who couldn’t even hold him down during his time of need. She was literally just fucking and sucking another nigga.

I came to the conclusion that I needed to just leave Kenny alone. I’d had my fun with him and I’d caught feelings, but it was a situation that was going nowhere. I was ready to cut all ties and pretend like that chapter of my life never happened. But life was never that easy. Shit must have hit the fan with Kenny and Lourdes because he practically moved in with Kayla, who lived right under me. We stayed in a duplex, so it was impossible not to see Kenny. I initially felt some type of way about him running to stay with Kayla, but it wasn’t like I’d go for him staying with me. He wanted to stay for free and Kayla allowed that dumb shit just like Lourdes. He didn’t like her more than he liked me, she was just easier to use. With him being in close proximity to me daily, shaking him was impossible. I was downstairs at Kayla’s everyday getting some dick with or without her. I forgot all about the hang ups I had surrounding him and Lourdes because he was finally always available to me. I was on cloud 9 until I learned I was pregnant.

I was only having raw sex with one person, so I knew exactly who my baby father was. Then when my ultrasound told me how far along I was, I did the math and it added up. Kenny had put a baby inside of me. My emotions were all over the place because my secret was officially on borrowed time. The people I loved would never look at me the same. My Granny would lay into my ass worse than anybody and all my cousins would probably look at me sideways. Bitches would think twice about inviting me to their homes or around their men just because Lourdes’ nigga couldn’t get enough of this pussy. I wasn’t looking forward to my reputation being trashed or being outcasted. However, I’d take all that on the chin if I could have a family with Kenny. I told him I was pregnant right away and I expressed all my doubts. He told me it was up to me how I wanted to handle it, so obviously he didn’t want me to get rid of our baby. When I told him I was keeping it, he assured me that he’d be present and do his part.

I learned early on that we had very different ideas of him doing his part. He wasn’t giving me any money, coming with me to doctor's visits, or even attempting to help with any plans pertaining to the baby. He’d shoot me a measly text every now and then asking how I was doing or he’d show up at my doorstep to fuck. I’d checked out of the threesomes once I learned I was pregnant because that was nasty. I guess I left a clear opening for Kayla to get pregnant sometime at the end of May or the beginning of June. He’d been fucking her raw just as long as he was fucking me raw, but she was allegedly on birth control. I knew that bitch had gotten pregnant on purpose to compete with me. She was excited and had no reservations about being pregnant for Kenny because he wasn’t her cousin's ex. She didn’t owe Lourdes anything and she let it be known when she started planning a gender reveal photoshoot that was going to include him. Mind you, she was only a few weeks pregnant while she was scheduling a maternity shoot. Since we were best friends, she was happily sharing all this information with me. She really wanted me to know that me and her weren’t in the same boat and that she didn’t have to keep her entire pregnancy a secret. It didn’t take long for her to realize we were one in the same. Kenny gave her the same exact treatment he was giving me. Even worse, he was staying in her house and she still couldn’t get any money out of him. He’d flipped the switch on both of our asses and I sank into deep depression. I always thought I’d be married to a man who kissed the ground that I walked on during my first pregnancy. I could do without marriage because I had forever for that, but I still wanted my baby daddy to worship me. Kenny wasn’t worried about shit but getting his rap career back on track. He needed someone to be his peace and to take care of home while he handled his business. If only he was willing to be by my side during my pregnancy then I would've let him move in with him. But he couldn’t even do the bare minimum. Then he delusionally thought he still had Lourdes as an option to fall back on for support when that bitch had completely moved on to somebody she didn’t even deserve.

“Damn, what can I say? Huh, it was poor ass nigga after poor ass nigga I had to finally up my rank! I ain't got shit for a ho, if he drop that load, then it must be a bank! I'm too damn stiff on a bitch, a dumb-ass ho is something I ain't!” Lourdes stood on the couch in her section screaming along to Monaleo’s verse on Summer Walker's “Baller.” No one could convince me that she wasn’t being shady. I let that shit slide outside when she was walking in with her weird ass friends, but now she was pushing it. She thought she was all that because she finally lucked up on a nigga with some money. Like she wasn’t just taking care of a nigga not too long ago. If it wasn’t for that baby then Ali wouldn’t have even double-backed to her stupid ass. I didn’t know what happened between them specifically, but I knew for a fact that Ali had beat Kenny’s ass. Kayla was cool with Kenny’s mom, so she got an earful from her. On the same day I informed Kenny that Lourdes had moved on with proof from her close friends to prove it, he pulled up to her hair suite to confront her. Ali was there and they caught a round that Kenny apparently tapped out of fast. I didn’t lay eyes on him for a whole month while he healed, but Kayla was passing by his mom’s house everyday to help take care of him. She’d shot me a few photos and Ali had fucked him up. If I were there I would’ve called the police and got that hooligan locked up, but Kenny was probably embarrassed about losing the fight. He wanted to keep everything under wraps and let it blow over quietly, so I respected his wishes. Anyways, Ali evidently didn’t appreciate whatever he learned during that encounter. He was reposting quotes on his IG story about betrayal and heartbreak. To the naked eye, it was just random, relatable reposts. But I knew better, so that led me to believe that maybe Lourdes was still actively messing around with Kenny. I didn’t know for sure, but it made sense. Lourdes dropped no type of hints on her social media because she went radio silent for at least a month. She wasn’t even posting content on her business page because she announced she was temporarily out of business. She must have been really fucked up about whatever happened to foolishly take a break from her bread and butter. I then learned that she moved out of the place she shared with Kenny and moved back in with Auntie Lucia through casual conversation with Granny and my mom. I knew that had everything to do with me spilling the beans and I didn’t feel bad at all. That shit was long overdue and I was regaining hope about having a normal relationship with Kenny one day.

Then Lourdes ruined everything again when she announced her pregnancy to the family in August. I immediately thought Kenny was her baby daddy. I mean, he clearly didn’t have any qualms about having raw, unprotected sex. He got me and Kayla pregnant, so him getting his ex-girlfriend pregnant, too, only made sense. During that time I was evil with everybody because my situation kept getting more ghetto. I really didn’t understand why Lourdes couldn’t leave Kenny in the past when she had a fine ass nigga treating her like the princess she swore she was. The birthday he gave her in Miami should’ve been enough for her to make Kenny a forever memory, so the fact that he was possibly her baby daddy infuriated me and I didn’t try to hide my disdain for her.

She ignored me and my attitude for a while, but I guess I came a little too hard at her during a Sunday dinner at Granny’s house. I remember that September evening like it was yesterday. I was throwing shots at everybody and I guess they were fed up because they were all returning the same energy. That resulted in Lourdes and I having a long overdue back and forth about her getting special treatment within our family. Of course everybody denied that blatant fact, only further frustrating me. They blamed the differences in how they’d been carrying us during our pregnancies on me and my bad attitude. As if most pregnant women weren’t bitchy. Please! Then Lourdes had the nerve to act like she was sooo different than me when I pointed out how we were in the same boat. If Kenny was both of our baby daddy’s like I thought then it explained why she was so mute about her baby daddy and why she’d been contemplating abortion. I overheard Granny and my mama discussing how Auntie Lucia had been actively trying to talk her out of it. That’s why I didn’t appreciate how Lourdes was trying to act like she was better than me when she was obviously gearing up to be a single mom, too.

Everything I thought blew up in my face when Ali called Auntie Lucia’s phone and she put him on speaker. Up until that point I truly believed that Kenny had knocked her up. I literally threw it out there in that conversation for her to confirm or deny, and she did neither, so that right there was my confirmation. Otherwise, she would have just flat out denied it. That’s why I was still skeptical even as Ali went off on the other line about being shut out of her pregnancy. That within itself was suspect. I mean, if that rich ass nigga was her bd then why was she ducking him? Right then, I concluded that she probably didn’t know who her bd was and that’s why she was okay with doing her pregnancy alone.

“If that nigga ain't spending no money, that's not a red flag, bitch, that's a siren, dummy. Wedding of the year, pink dress, pink pimpcess. Pretty bitch with a dip set. Had to lock 'em down like a Kwikset. With my nigga, every day is Christmas. I could give a fuck what a bitch said, mind your business! This big ass ring on my finger, bitch, I ain't never ever gave mistress!” Lourdes was rapping along with Monaleo way too passionately for a bitch who didn’t have a ring on her finger. She was a baby mama just like me. And like I said, had it not been for that baby then she wouldn’t be living the high life.

I was pissed that she had the pregnancy of my dreams when she wasn’t even sure who her baby daddy was. I thought Ali was a smart nigga with all the barbershops he owned, but he was eager to step up for a baby he should have been questioning. I had been asking Kenny if he was Lourdes’ baby daddy since the day I found out she was with child and he always said he didn’t know. The more I watched Lourdes’ pregnancy play out, the more I hoped that the baby was for Kenny. I was tired of hearing Granny brag about Ali and how much he was doing for Lourdes. I wanted that shit to blow up in everybody’s faces, so they could see that Lourdes wasn’t perfect and had fucked up just like me. Shit, Ali wasn’t as perfect as everybody was making him out to be. He had a whole bitch publicly claiming him. Naz had been an it girl in the city since I was in highschool, and apparently she’d been fucking with Ali for just as long. So even if Ali was indeed Lourdes’ baby daddy it would still show that she was no different from me. She’d gotten pregnant by somebody else's man, too!

I wanted so badly for Naz to beat Lourdes’ ass or at least air her out on social media. But a public showing didn’t come until Ali posted maternity pictures from Lourdes’ second photoshoot. A second photoshoot I didn’t even know she had. Had I known I would’ve never been popping it in Kayla’s comment section. My bestie had posted her maternity shoot with Kenny, revealing her pregnancy and the fact that he was her bd. Lourdes only liked that post, but Kayla was itching to fuss with her, so she called her out in the comments and the drama began. Looking back, I should have stayed out of it. But I was irritable and moody, so I tagged myself in. That officially drew the line in the sand with me and Lourdes. At the time I didn’t fully think about what I was doing. I was just mad and wanted to put that bitch in her place. It led to several things I wasn’t expecting.

The first being Ali posting their maternity pictures to show that he was the baby daddy to Lourdes’ baby and that he was present. Then Kenny texted me and Kayla in our group chat cursing us out for doing too much online and he claimed we were making it harder for him to ask her for a DNA test. That’s right, all of a sudden he wanted a DNA test for Lourdes’ baby. That was nothing but his ego responding to Lourdes publicly popping out with another nigga. Then something came that I’d been waiting for; Nazaria finally clocked in. She wrote out multiple responses on her IG story. The main thing that jumped out to me was her announcing that Ali had gotten a DNA test. She really had no reason to lie, so that killed all my suspicions of Kenny being the baby daddy. It also ended my hopes of Lourdes being lumped in with me and Kayla. I still believed that she was actively fucking Ali and Kenny at the same time. She’d simply lucked up and got pregnant for the right nigga.

“Why you not dancing, love?” A worrisome man whispered in my ear.

I’d come out to the club with my work bestie, Tyeena, and her fraternal twin sister, Tyla. I’d gone out with them several times over the past few years, but this was the first time I stepped out since having Kash. Going outside with the twins meant never having to pay for shit because they were pretty, thick, fine, and friendly. We always ended up in some random niggas section and tonight was no different. It was about six guys in total and they invited three other girls into the section to make things even. The twins were skinning and grinning in everyone's faces and they were turning up with the other girls. I wasn’t in the mood for all that tonight, though. I’d come out with intentions to have a great time, but Lourdes’ messy ass was ruining my night.

“I am having fun,” I replied with a fake smile.

“No you not. You need to take some shots or something to loosen up.”

“Shit, you might be right.”

I must have said the magic words because he immediately asked me if I was drinking clear or brown. The word clear had barely left my mouth before he grabbed the Patron bottle and poured it into six shot cups. He didn’t fill the cups all the way up, but that was still a lot of alcohol. I assumed four other people in the section would take them with us, but nope, he poured up three shots for himself and three shots for me. Needing to forget all my problems and relax, I downed all three shots back to back with no chasers.

Liquor always had the power to force me into having fun, but it also made me confrontational. So instead of taking my mind off Lourdes and enjoying myself, I excused myself from the section. I told my girls I was going to the bathroom, but I made a beeline for the section I’d been watching all night. No one saw me coming because they were too busy shaking their asses. “Ass Fat” by VickeeLo had those hoes in another world.

“Ass fat, he wanna see it from the back! This pussy good and this pussy fight back!”

“Yea, best! Fuck that shit up!” Dream stopped dancing to blow smoke smoke up Lourdes’ ass. I guess some things never changed. She slapped her booty and recorded her while she danced like a whore. Those white capri leggings she wore had to be made with the cheapest fabric known to man because her ass moved way too freely. That baby had made her way more bottom heavy than she already was and it looked like she belonged in the same club Dream served drinks in. It wasn’t a good look in my opinion and she needed to be careful because it was a thin line between thick and fat.

When I made it to the entrance of the section, I locked eyes with Denim first. She was bent over on the couch shaking ass, too, but the second she spotted me she jumped down like she was ready for war. I would’ve thought I was fucking her man or something.

“Um, can we help you?” She asked, getting up in my face. My heart thumped, wondering if they’d jump me. I could only hope they wouldn’t ruin little Tiana’s birthday like that. Dream and Denim were about that action, but Tiana was the textbook definition of a good girl. The birthday crown she was rocking showed just how lame and childish she was. She really brought down the value of her Pucci capri set and red bottom combo by putting that aluminum crown on.