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“I know, and I was dead wrong. I’m sorr-”

“I got all your text messages apologizing back in January.”

“Okay. I wasn’t sure if I was blocked or what because you never responded. Now I know you were just ignoring me.”

“Right, because those apologies came after my daughter was born. It seemed like you were saying whatever just to come around and meet her.”

“Honestly, being excluded from my first grandchild’s birth was a major wake up call for me. But it shouldn’t have taken that to make me realize all the damage I’ve done as a mom. You’ve communicated your issues with me too many times to count. It’s my fault for not receiving it until it was too late. I don’t blame you for ignoring me, Armias. I deserved that.”

“Yea, you did,” I replied evenly. I could appreciate everything she was saying, but one thing she said in particular jumped out at me. I shouldn’t have had to go to such extremes to force her to see all her wrongdoings. Plus, her words were just that. Words. I wasn’t about to jump for joy because she was saying all the things I thought she never would. It was possible that she really had changed, and if she had then I didn’t want her slipping back into her old ways. Therefore, I couldn’t slip back into my old ways of pacifying her, excusing her actions, and rewarding bad behavior.

“Right, and I understand if Lourdes feels the same way. If I was her I wouldn’t fool with me at all.”

“Yea,” I nodded. I could have eased her mind because Lourdes didn’t have the hard up energy she justifiably could have had for Rahesha. I was the one standing on business when it came to us keeping her out of our lives, but Lourdes had been a voice of reason. It amazed me that she was able to extend grace and give Rahesha credit for the positive changes she was making in her life. I didn’t have it in me to do that and Lourdes wouldn’t have been wrong if she didn’t either. Rahesha had been mean to her from the beginning and she’d said some foul shit about not only her, but her mom, too.

“Y’all are probably tired of hearing my apologies, right?”

“I won’t speak for Lo, but yea, I am tired of hearing it. Only because I’ve heard you apologize before and it ended up not meaning anything. I’m hearing you, though, and I’m looking at you…your energy feels genuine and I can see remorse on your end. But it’ll take time for me to fully accept you into my life again.”

“And that’s understandable. I just hope a future relationship with you, Lourdes, and Alouri is possible. I want to be a grandma y’all can count on, too. But first, I have to be a parent that all my kids can count and depend on. I should have been that from the beginning, so that you didn’t have to step in and do things you had no business doing. I really am sorry for everything, Armias.”

“I hear you, Rahesha. For real, and I really want you to be a good parent for the sake of my siblings. I also want Louri to have a good relationship with you, too. It’s up to you if it’ll happen, though. I don’t want to keep you away, but I will if I have to.”

“Hearing that there’s hope is enough for me.”

“Is that why you drove all the way over here today? To see if there was a chance that we could move forward?”

“No…because I honestly thought you were done with me,” she smiled weakly. “I came over here for a totally different reason. But after seeing you face to face…I had to get all that off my chest.”

“We’ve seen each other bukoo times this year.”

My siblings' existence made it impossible for me to completely ghost her. They were the reason I kept it cool and cordial whenever I was forced to be around her longer than I wanted. The last time I had to do that was for Milan’s birthday and it went relatively well. Lourdes said the energy was awkward between me and Rahesha, but I didn’t feel it. I simply focused on my sister for the hour and a half we were there.

“It wouldn’t have been appropriate at any other time.”

“Yea, you might be right about that. So you said you came here for another reason?”

“....Yea. I think it’s something you should know.”

I eyed her skeptically. “Are you sure I need to know? This exchange has been positive so far, so if it’s anything negative you might want to rethink telling me.”

“Armias, I’ve been sitting on this since Friday evening. I told myself to sleep on it for a few days because I didn’t want to regret rushing to tell you. But I feel like you wouldn’t be okay with not knowing this. I even called my therapist and ask he-”

“Your therapist? Since when do you see a therapist?”

“Since the beginning of this year. I didn’t tell her exactly what I have to tell you, but I told her that I know something and that it would eat me alive if I kept it to myself.”

“Alright, man. If you feel like it’s that serious then I’ll hear it,” I sighed, before stepping to the side. “Come on in and let’s sit down.”

I led her to the formal living room that was right next to the foyer.

“This is really a beautiful home,” she glanced around while sitting down. “Y’all did good.”

“For real? You don’t think it’s a waste of money anymore?” I smirked, taking a subtle jab that she immediately caught because she laughed.

“Chile, I was hating…but I never said this house was ugly. I wouldn’t have gone that far.”

“Yea, okay,” I chuckled. “So what’s up? What do you just have to tell me?”