Page 54 of The Cowboy and the Stray

“Hey,” Midge said, “Looky here.”

The photo she shoved at me was Calder as a toddler in cowboy boots and nothing else.

I didn’t know if I wanted to laugh or cry. I’d never had this, the simple luxury of holding on to people and letting them hold on to me.

“You’re quiet,” she said.

“I was thinking,” I said, and I knew better than to think out loud, but it slipped out before I could stop it. “About what it would be like to have roots. A family. Photos." I chuckled. "History."

“Be right back,” Midge said. “Don’t run off.”

I watched her leave, and the room was as loud as a thunderstorm with the silence of my thoughts.

For a minute, I held Calder’s photo. It wasn’t my past. It wasn’t my future, either. I ran my fingers over it, imagined myself in a photo like that, small and mischievous. Loved.

That sex yesterday had made me dizzy, but this was different. This was me, letting myself hope.

Maybe hoping was like Midge said, like keeping a name alive even when you know it might haunt you.

I tucked the photo into my pocket before I could think better of it. It was such a tiny thing, one little stolen memory, but I wanted it more than I wanted my next breath.

I wanted it to be mine.

But nothing ever stayed mine.

When Midge came back, I had put the picture on top of the stack like I'd never thought about taking it in the first place.

27. TESS

After helping Midge sort through the old photos, I found Calder in the barn and handed him a glass of iced tea. "Thought you could use this in this heat," I said.

He took it gratefully, fingers brushing against mine. The brief touch sent tingles down my spine despite the muggy air. Damn it. He had me all in tangles.

From the other side of the barn, a particularly colorful swear word rang out, followed by the thump of a lasso hitting the ground. I turned to see Ash glaring at her tangled rope like it had personally offended her. "God fucking dammit to hell!" she muttered, kicking at the dirt. Someone was having a Hallmark moment.

I couldn't help it. A giggle burst out of me before I could stop it. Ash's head snapped up, her scowl transforming into a mischievous grin when she saw me. "Oh, you think that's funny, do you?" She sauntered over, coiling up her rope. "Fine then, city girl. Let's see what you've got."

I held up my hands in protest. "Oh no, I'm not much for cussing or lassoing. Unless you count muttering crap under my breath when stubbing my toe."

Ash scoffed. "Please. Every woman should know how to cuss a blue streak. It's a vital life skill. C'mere, I'll teach you."

I glanced at Calder uncertainly, but he just shrugged, the corner of his mouth twitching. "Don't look at me. I barely know her, but I already know better than to get in Ash's way." Smart man. May we all survive Ash’s school of profanity.

"¡A huevo!" Ash said. "Okay, first things first. Fuck is your friend. It's a noun, a verb, an adjective, an adverb, an interjection. It's the Swiss Army Knife of swear words. You can put it anywhere. Observe." She pointed just past Calder and leaned close to me. "Pretend there's a calf trying to push past him." Then she straightened back up and said loudly, "Calder, grab that little fucker before it fucks up all the fucking tack, for fuck's sake. Fuck!"

I stared, both scandalized and a little bit in awe. This woman needed her own TED Talk.

Ash grinned. "Now you try."

"Um." I cleared my throat. "That... fuckin' calf sure is... fuckin' stuff up?"

Ash stared at me for a long moment before collapsing into gales of laughter, clutching her stomach. "Oh, honey," she gasped out between whoops. "We've got a lot of work to do."

Story of my damn life.

For the next half hour, Ash drilled me on every swear word she could think of, coaching me on proper emphasis and usage. I fumbled my way through her favorites, blushing and stuttering.

"Goddamnshit!"