Page 101 of Hearts on the Mend

“I’m good. Really.”

Jack sits down at the bottom of the dunes. The tall grass behind him gently sways in the breeze. I can almost smell the salt air, and for once, I can admit I miss summer in Merritt Point.

“Still going to therapy?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“I’ve just been thinking a lot.”

“After all those concussions? Wow, good for you.”

“Alright, smartass. It’s just… depression hates a moving target, Nolan.”

My hands tingle, and my mouth goes dry. “I know that.”

“But what they don’t tell you is that always moving won’t make it stop either. Sure, it’s better than being stuck, but running isn’t going to make it go away.”

“There a reason for this heart-to-heart, Jack?”

My brother’s trademark grin slips. “I’m lucky. I had a great hockey career, and I don’t regret stepping away. I don’t. But it’s been fucking brutal to leave the team, to take a chance on something new and build a whole new life with Izzy. I’m not saying it gets easier. I’m saying I’d do it all again.” He scrubs his hand over his face with a sigh. “It’s been hard, but I’m okay. I have people who love and support me. I’m very lucky. You do too, but you always run. It’s just been bugging me. Felt like you needed to hear it.”

My little brother was one of the best forwards in Boston Breakers’ history. He fought hard, played dirty, but at the end of the day, he was a damn good hockey player until two back-to-back concussions made it too dangerous to keep playing.

I wasn’t planning on saying anything tonight. It feels too early, and for a minute, the words are lodged in my throat. I swallow past it, and take a hard, shaky breath.

“I handed in my papers yesterday. I’m done at the end of this fire season, and I’m retiring and coming home. To Merritt Point. To Cassie and Ruby. To you all. I’ve missed too much, and I can’t…”

Jack jumps to his feet and yells, then races back up the beach. “Tell them. Guys, guys, come here. Tell them, Nolan!”

Jack flips the camera to my parents, Ethan, Sloane, Izzy, and Nana on the back deck.

“What?” my dad asks, adjusting his readers. “Come closer. I can’t see the fuckin’ screen.”

My mother whacks him, then leans forward. “We’re listening.”

“I’ll be home when the season’s done. For good.”

“For good?” Nana parrots back.

I pick up my beer and recline back into my seat. For once, it feels as if I have a little more room to breathe. “Yeah, I’m retiring.”

The only way to describe what happens next is to say it’s chaos. There’s jumping and swearing and hugs and tears. Ethan ends up holding the phone when Nana accidentally dumps her beer on the table. And somehow, I laugh, even if I wipe at my own eyes.

Sometimes, you have to let it burn and learn to be okay with what you could save. If that’s me, then it’s the right call.

Chapter 33

Cassie

October

Iroll into my pillow, stretching my hand across the mattress. It’s been months now, and I still hope to find Nolan under my fingertips.

Pretty sure that’s the definition of insanity.

A light breeze ruffles the darkening leaves outside my window just as I hear Ruby’s giggle echo.

There’s a soft knock on my door. “Honey, we’re just about to start the grill.” Kathleen’s voice is soft.