Page 115 of A Courage of the Chosen

Case in point.

“Last time I checked, a queen doesn’t take orders from a general,” I bite back.

“Oh, snap,” Rach scoffs.

I shoot her a look that says, ‘Not helping’. She shrugs and flings the reins of her horse over a nearby hook as we say our goodbyes.

Reyne hugs me tightly, whispering in my ear. “I swear to Dhia, if you don’t come back in one piece, I’m going to hurt you.” There’s an edge of panic there, and a smile blooms despite it.

“I’ll do my best.” I squeeze her. “Take care of Erin. And keep that council in line for me.”

“I’ve got you, lass. Don’t worry about what’s going on here.” We release each other, and Rach swoops in to hug Reyne as our friend delivers the same warning. “That goes for you, as well. You’d better come back.”

“You can’t get rid of me. We’ve got too much chaos to cause,” she replies flippantly with a wink.

Brodie and Eòghann bro-hug, and the brown-eyed warrior gives each of us an embrace in turn, promising us he’ll help Reyne here, and wishing us luck on the road. He waves to Callahan, who grunts his farewell as he sweeps himself into the saddle of his blue-roan horse.

Mabel is steady beneath me as I mount her, and then we’re on our way, streaming through the wooden gates that shore Ederline.

“What, no ‘stay together, do as I say on the road’ speech today, dearest brother?” Rach calls to Cal as we enter the forest surrounding the palace. He ignores her and she turns to me. “Seriously? No speech? He’s in a mood.”

“Yup,” I reply.

When we’re deep into the woodland and the path is wider, Callahan pushes us into a trot. My guards fall into a formation with me at their center, while Rach rides alongside me. Brodie hurries ahead to catch up with Callahan, and the ten soldiers split to cover me from the front and back.

I almost want to laugh. If we run into any Brollachan, Callahan and I are the best chances of survival. But I need to adjust to the fact that men and women are prepared to lay down their lives for me, despite knowing nothing about who I am, other than I’m a Darrow and wield light.

It’s a strange concept to grasp, and I don’t think it will ever fully sink in for me. Yet, I would do the same for them. If it came down to my life or theirs, and my sacrifice would save them, I’d absolutely pay that price.

The morning slips by uneventfully. We stop once, allowing the horses to rest and drink, before continuing on well past what I think is lunchtime. I’ve spent many days and hours on the road at this point, I thought I’d get better at using daylight to determine the time. Apparently not.

The only indication is the way my stomach grumbles embarrassingly loud, to which Rach announces, “Our queen is hungry, we should stop for lunch.” And doesn’t give Cal a chance to grumble about it.

So here we are, sat beneath the trees, with dried meat, cheese, and fruit being passed around the group along the edges of the road. The horses are grazing on nearby grass, or drinking from the small stream, and there’s a painful quiet that lingers around us. Everyone can sense the brood hanging over Callahan, and refuses to tempt his grumpiness.

It sets me on edge, and when he won’t meet my gaze, I reach for him. “Walk with me.”

It’s not a request, and I don’t wait for him as I rise from the log Rach and I have been using as a seat, pacing away into the forest. Even if he didn’t want to follow me, I know he will, if only to tell me off for not remaining with the group.

“What?” he asks, as I turn on him when we’re at least fifty yards from everyone else.

My back straightens, but arguing with him when he’s like this is only going to make the situation worse, so I take a different approach.

“I’m sorry.”

Callahan steps back, his folded arms dropping to his sides. “Why are you apologizing?”

“Because you’re right. I have been weird.” Maybe if I give him something, he’ll let this go. Trust that I’m handling it, and hope that it’s enough for him to stop holding it over me like a pickax.

My chest flutters with his next words.

“Are you going to tell me what it is? I can scent it, you know. Scent when you’re hiding something from me. I can feel it when the bridge is open. There’s a part of you holding back.” Callahan shuffles closer. “In case it isn’t obvious to you, Elsie. I’m in this. Fully. Nothing you can say or do will change that.”

Tears unexpectedly gather in my eyes as I question if he means it. If he knew the truth, would he still want us, knowing that a part of the evil he’s spent his life fighting lives inside of me?

“I can’t tell you,” I whisper, and the defeat in his expression is on a level with him walking away from me.

When he pulls away, my stomach bottoms out, and I move until I’m only an inch from him, taking his hands in mine. “But I need you to trust me that I’m dealing with it. And that if I genuinely, truly, need you, I will tell you. Okay? You can’t protect me from everything.”