Page 113 of A Courage of the Chosen

While Erin was sketching excellent foliage, and I was pathetically attempting to blend the orange, yellow, and red crayons to resemble a sunset, Callahan was over there creating a freehand masterpiece.

He hasn’t just sketched me, he’s captured every little micro expression. The furrow in my brow as I was concentrating on the paper. The way my mouth is tilted down at the corners, as though sadness is at the edge of my thoughts. The little upturn at the end of my nose.

“I didn’t know you could draw.”

Callahan shrugs, gathering the crayons to put back into their box. “I dabble.”

“That’s more than dabbling, Callahan. It’s incredible.” My eyes snag on the detail again.

He says nothing, focusing on tidying things away with more concentration than is strictly necessary.

Erin helps him, carefully piling our pictures into one stack away from the rest. “He loves you.”

Callahan freezes, color crawling up his neck. It disappears beneath his stubble and stains his cheeks. He refuses to meet my gaze, even though my stare is boring into the top of his head.

He’s been rumbled by an eight-year-old, and his reaction indicates that there might be some truth behind it. There’s an impenetrable wall, wrapped in embarrassment, waiting at his end of our bond.

Does he . . . love me?

Well, shit.

Chapter 32

Elsie

The arrival of the morning brings mixed emotions.

I’m eager to finally make it to Ruival and discover what Granny believed to be held there, and filled with trepidation as to what we may face on the road. The last time we headed out that way, one of us nearly didn’t make it back.

Callahan was busier than usual last night, and it doesn’t take a genius to work out it’s because of what Erin said. He kept to his word, and trained her in the afternoon once she had some lunch. Then he made up some excuse about needing to meet with his uncle and didn’t know when he’d be back.

Since Erin fell asleep early, I had dinner with Reyne and Rach, and ended up spilling to them what Erin casually blurted out.

They both gave me a look as if to say, ‘You’re only just realizing that’s how he feels?’ when I told them about Callahan’s reaction.

I felt foolish after that. I knew Callahan cared for me, but I hadn’t ever thought it was that.

I’ve never been in love. At least not properly. And I know what I do feel for him runs deeper than anything I’ve experienced before. I just can’t bring myself to say those words to him. Because how can he love me, when the version of me that he knows isn’t wholly honest?

After the girls left, and Callahan still hadn’t returned to our rooms, I spent far too much time mulling things over. If he did feel that way, then me being Dorche will undoubtedly destroy those feelings. How could he love someone with the same power that’s divided his home for so long?

It made me acutely aware of just how far he’s gotten under my skin. Through everything, he’s been solid and steady.

Granted, he was an ass in the beginning, but looking back, I can’t blame him for that. I was downright volatile, and he was right to treat me that way. He still showed up for me, though, and now there’s no part of my life that I don’t see him in.

Despite all of that, giving him this very last part of me is a risk I can’t take. Not yet. There are too many people looking to me to lead them through this war and be their fearless queen.

If I tell Callahan this, and he walks away from me, I just know there’ll be no coming back from that.

The fates of worlds are at stake, and this has always been far bigger than just the two of us.

He eventually returned and I pretended to be asleep, unsure how to greet him. He slid in the bed beside me and slotted his body behind mine like he belonged. And the kiss he placed on my temple before settling down to sleep? It wrecked me in both the best and worst way.

Callahan is good. Down to his very core, he’s a good man, and I’m going to break him.

There’s no positive outcome here.

We don’t really speak much over breakfast, or when we get dressed and grab our packs for the ride ahead.