Page 47 of A Legacy of the Light

I begin writing for the first time in a year, telling Mom about what had happened. About waking up in Elfayne, meeting Reyne and Tavish, and exploring the city. I tell her about the guy who grabbed me today, and how scared I was. I tell her about the Seelie of this world and the Craobh, how it brought me here, and my theories on why I can wear it.

I tell her how much Grandpa and I miss her. How it feels like yesterday she said goodbye to me and promised to bring me donuts from my favorite food truck by the park. A tear slides down my cheek as I remember the police giving us back their items. A receipt for the donuts was in Granny’s purse. I tell her how scared I am, and that I don’t know what to do or how to move forward with my life.

I tell her all about the twelve months since I last wrote, pouring every mundane detail of my life into the letter. The tears flow freely as the emotions I normally keep buried deep in my heart rush to the surface.

A sob escapes me when I finish. There’s no stopping it now, so I don’t hold back. After the accident, I really struggled with the loss, and how alone I felt. Mom and Granny were my safety nets. To have them ripped from me so suddenly triggered something unexpected in me.

I’ve always considered myself independent, wanting to explore and be my own person. I was close with Mom, but my relationship with her was more like sisters than mother and daughter. Losing her the way I did left me feeling vulnerable. Knowing she wasn’t there if I needed her triggered a sense of anxiety I hadn’t felt before.

Waking here and being in this place has reminded me how truly alone I am, and feeds that dark feeling.

Having Grandpa helps but it’s not the same. He always has been, and always will be, a pillar of strength, love, and solidarity in my life. But nothing will fill the void that’s a part of me now.

In this quiet, windowless room, surrounded by strangers in an unknown realm, I unleash everything.

My tears, my fear, my anxiety. I haven’t cried like this since after the funeral. I rest my head on my arms and just feel.

◆◆◆

The wracking sobs eventually subside, and I can gulp down a full breath. I fold the letter neatly and take it into the living room to the fire. Using a match, I set it alight and drop it on top of the hearth, watching the flames take my message. It won’t reach her, but in my mind I pretend that it will.

When the fire has fully consumed the paper, I turn toward the windows and wrap my arms around my waist, trying to keep that clawing, empty nothingness away that usually comes after I let the emotions in.

I stare unseeing out into the night sky, feeling the weight of the world on my battered soul. I take a steadying breath and stop fighting it. At least the emptiness is better than the pain.

I continue to stand there, not really aware of time passing. Only when a chill sweeps over me and I feel gentle, phantom hands on my shoulders do I turn from the window.

You would think that would scare the shit out of me, but it doesn’t. It’s not the first time I’ve felt that. I find it oddly comforting, as if my imagination is conjuring what I need in the moments when I feel truly alone. It’s mostly happened when I’ve been visiting Mom’s grave, and I’ve chosen to accept it as her presence comforting me.

What does make me pause, is the warmth I feel on my chest from the Craobh Beatha. And the faint tendrils of white mist gathering around my feet.

I stumble back, bumping into the arm of the sofa as I clutch the pendant. It’s warm beneath my fingers and the mist swirls around my ankles. It creeps toward me, and I move away from it so my back is pressed against the window, my heart in my mouth.

The mist starts to dissipate. Slowly. As if it doesn’t want to leave. Before it disappears completely, it whispers, “Elsie.”

The blood is pounding through my veins so hard. I must be hearing things. I slide down the window to sit on the stone floor. The cold quickly seeps through my thin pajamas. I drop my head into my hands and take a few deep breaths. I touch my hand to my neck again and just as quickly as the warmth appeared, the pendant is now cold. Unnaturally so.

How am I going to survive this place?

It’s been two days and I feel like I’ve aged ten years. The simple fact is, if I don’t strap on my big girl pants, as Mom would say, and face this, I will be consumed by the Seelie and the magic of this realm. And I will not leave my Grandpa all alone.

Tomorrow, I will learn everything I possibly can, and accept the friendship that Reyne and Tavish are offering me. I think they will help me, and I’m going to need them if the Seelie realm isn’t going to strip me of myself. This is the hand that I’ve been dealt, and I need to face it head on, just like Mom would have.

I am strong, and I am capable, and I’m about to prove it.

Chapter 13

My new sense of purpose stays with me in the morning. The popping sounds that indicate the arrival of my breakfast doesn’t make me jump as much as it did yesterday. Once I finish my food and get dressed for the day, I leave a note for Reyne, hoping she’ll find it.

Thanks for yesterday, Reyne. I’ll be in the library with Finneus. Please come find me if you get any time today. Elsie x

Before falling asleep last night, I decided to ask Reyne to train me. I need to be able to defend myself on some physical level. I need to not freeze if someone comes at me again. Reyne handled the situation so well yesterday, and I think I’m comfortable enough with her that I won’t feel like a total idiot when I fall flat on my ass.

I head to the library and find that Finneus is already at his desk.

“Good morning!” I call.

He snaps his head up and smiles warmly at me, the deep red of his jacket bringing out the white in his beard. The welcome in his eyes chases away some of the lingering fear from last night. The mist didn’t appear again, but that didn’t stop me from periodically checking the side of my bed to see if it was there.