Page 43 of While I’m Still Here

No.

Absolutely fucking not.

I do not want to be surrounded by positivity, or Carol’s soup and excessive use of emojis. I press the group information, scroll sown and hit Exit Group with the grim satisfaction of someone watching a child trip over their own feet after running away from their mum.

My phone rings eight seconds later.

Mum.

Decline.

A message arrives instead.

MUM

Why did you leave???

Everyone wants to support you.

And because God has abandoned me.

MUM

Auntie Linda is very upset.

Auntie Linda once became inconsolable because Tesco moved the bread to the opposite side of the aisle. I feel confident she will recover. I place my phone face-down on my desk.

“Your mum?” I look across the divider, and Danny is watching me.

“How do you know?”

“You've got the face.” Danny gestures towards my phone. “What's she done?”

“Created a family WhatsApp group.”

His face twists in sympathy. “Fuck.”

“Fourteen people.”

“Jesus.”

“Someone called Carol is in it.”

“Who's Carol?”

“I don't fucking know.”

That makes him laugh. I do too, despite myself, and for half a second everything is fine. Then Danny's gaze drops to my phone.

“What's the group for?”

The laugh dies in my throat. Of course… I should have seen that coming. I look at my monitor again, but the words on the screen have become meaningless.

“Bea?” I hate how differently he says my name this time.

“Stop doing that.”

Danny's brow furrows. “Doing what?”