Page 153 of Relapse

I considered texting Silas but I didn’t know what to say. So I didn’t.

Damian was right back in the room to take possession of my phone when I was done.

I was like a prisoner with illegal contraband.

That same afternoon, the hospital staff came in to introduce me to the head programs facilitator at a “wellness center” called Flourishing Foundations. The overly quirky woman was tasked to take all of my belongings like my phone, my apple watch, my wallet—the essentials I needed to survive ultimate boredom in her happy house. She assured me that on the day of completion of my program, I would get them all back.

She gushed about the company van they had waiting for me, the roommates who were friendly and welcoming, and the extensive amenities that Flourishing Foundations had unlike any other rehabilitation center in the state.

I was too tired to run. Or I might have tried. My body still ached from the beating, and even if I could escape, I wouldn’t have made it very far.

The walk out of the hospital only added to my shame. Nurses crowded the empty spaces in the hallway to watch as I left, waving and sending me off with well wishes.

I didn’t realize it then, but many of them were the reason I was still breathing. I owed my life to that staff.

I wished I was mature enough to appreciate it. But at that time, I was angry. Angry at Damian for sending me off to a place I didn’t believe would work. Angry at myself for not finishing the job on this poor excuse of a life.

I still hugged Damian before I got into the car. My mom was there. Alex and Delane too.

That was probably the worst feeling of all. Seeing her as I loaded up into the branded vehicle. I’d be lucky if she ever spoke to me again after all of this—granted, if I survived it.

“Don’t worry about anything out here,” she said to me, through the window. “We’ll be waiting for you when you’re done.”

I wished I could tell her I believed her. But I knew David was out there somewhere, lurking. Ready and waiting to torment her in my absence.

Damian and Alex came to the window.

“Take care of her for me,” I said to them. Damian nodded and Alex looked like he was going to cry.

I waved.

The car drove off.

I was on my way.

Chapter thirty-eight

Never Enough

DELANE

Istayed at the hospital until I knew Noah was stable.

Then I had to get out of there. My heart couldn’t take it anymore. Every hallway, every monitor, every glimpse of a doctor in scrubs felt like a reminder of how close we had come to losing him.

My conversation with Silas had shaken me. To my core. More so than the time he had tried to hurt me.

He loved Noah. He told me so. And I believed him.

The worst part was realizing, as they wheeled Noah down the hallway to another wing, that I loved him too. I loved him enough that, when everything fell apart, my first instinct wasn’t to protect myself. It was to go to him. To help him. And in turn, helping Silas also. I didn’t even think during that moment. I just grabbed him. I’d reached for Silas without hesitation, throwing his arm over my shoulder and helping him walk. The same arm attached to the hand that had once held a knife to my throat. And ripped my clothes from my body.

What did that even say about me?

I was bombarded with questions by the time I made it back to Chelsea’s house.

Questions I didn’t have answers to.

“Noah nearly died at the hospital,” I said quietly. “Again.”