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“What’s holding you back?” she asked.
“I… I don’t know. I’m just cautious.”
She nodded. “Smart. You can’t lie and convince me that you’re not interested. I see how he watches you, so it’s obvious he’s trying to hold back, too.”
“We… kissed,” I admitted.
“Hey, you don’t have to kiss and tell.” She grinned, though, teasing me.
“I wouldn’t. I’m just saying you’re right. Something is there between us. Or something is building between us that we’re both dancing around.”
He’d stunned me—in the best way—when he’d kissed me and then acted like it had never happened. I bet that was part of his approach, showing me that he wanted me but letting the ball stay in my court until I’d take an initiative. He was showing me a hint of what could be just to lure me to want more.
And I did.
So badly.
He consumed my thoughts during the day and hogged my dreams during the night. I yearned for him to kiss me again. To lean in and make me feel so small and safe and protected, cherished and wanted.
I sighed again and Wren laughed lightly.
“I won’t lie and say I’m not interested. But it’s not like I came here under any conventional means of hooking up with a guy.”
She huffed. “Join the club.” She lifted her fingers as she listed, “Elena was given to Adrik as a payment, Carina was arranged to marry Maksim, Mila was bought as a slave, and I was kidnapped and held hostage.” She raised her brows. “And you’re… here as witness protection. None of us have a traditional story to share.”
“And yet you’re all still here.”
She smiled. “There’s no one else I’d rather be with. That’s saying something. I was supposed to oppose them, and I joined them instead.” She lifted her hand to gesture at them, smiling softly. “Take those two brothers, for example. They’re all supposed to be these horrible, law-breaking, awful, dangerous criminals. Right? But you’ve seen them up close. Look at them right now, kind and patient with Brady.”
“They’re walking contradictions.”
She nodded. “Kind of. But it’s what’s inside their hearts that matters.”
“I want to believe that. I’d be a liar, though, if I said I wasn’t scared to hear a little bit about Gregori, though. How he’s tried to take over the throne of his own flesh and blood. Money and power can change people like that.”
“And you’re worried one of them would?” She shook her head. “That’s true no matter where you live or who you’re with. That’s part of human nature.”
“I agree,” I said, meeting her gaze and hoping she could see how grateful I was to have her to talk to like this. As a sounding board. She had been in a similar situation of learning to shift her views and opinions of Viktor to accept the Volkovs as her new family. She’d defied her career, too. “Just between you and me, I wish this could be my life. That I could belong like you and Elena, Carina, and Mila do. To just be here.”
For good.
Not on limited, borrowed time that would expire when the threat on my life was over.
She patted my hand. “Then be here. Be present in the moment and embrace this while you can.” She smiled kindly. “Then hold on to the hope that everything will fall into place later.”
I watched Nikolai put his arm on the top of the couch, giving Brady access to lean against him.
I want to.
I really want to have hope that everything will fall into place.
15
NIKOLAI
Louisa took Brady up for bedtime before the end of the game.
“Come on, buddy. It’s getting late.” She smiled at him as he got off the couch.
