Page 63 of The Surfer

And I refuse to be hurt in the same permanent way as my Mom was. I’ve seen, firsthand, how devastatingly painful that was for her, and I’m not going to let it happen to me. Not now. Not ever.

Cove turns back and waves enthusiastically at me when he reaches the water. I wave back, subdued. My thoughts are a dark cloud shadowing this precious moment, but I know they’re right. I continue watching Cove as he sprints into the ocean, diving in under a wave in a bid to impress me. I shake my head and laugh, but inside I’m freaking out.

I shouldn’t forget Sandy.

Sandy.

What if she found out about Cove and me? What’ll happen then? How would she react if she found out about us?

Not her.

I don’t want to lie, and especially not to my best friend. The person who’d done so much for me, the person who let me live at their house for months and months rent and expenses free. She deserves better than that.

She’s my best friend in the whole wide world, and I’m sleeping with her brother after she’s explicitly forbidden it. I’m an asshole. I’m the bad guy here. I’m directly contravening the terms of the deal I have made with her and her dad.

Damn.

I will have to tell her. The secret will have to come out somehow.

Before or after Cove leaves me for a prettier and richer girl, that’s the question. How will I handle this and the fallout? How will Cove handle this? How about Sandy?

But as I sit on our secret beach and watch the surfer boy swim effortlessly in the ocean, diving under the waves and flicking water off his bleach-blonde hair, I tell myself that he hasn’t been doing what I’ve imagined at all. There’s been no sign he’ll leave me, despite his womanizing past. In the weeks we’ve been together he hasn’t been running off to the nightclub and I haven’t seen evidence of weed around his bedroom. The man is clean. Maybe he is changing. Maybe I am changing him. Maybe Sandy has been right in choosing me to do this, it seems like I’m doing a better job than the most expensive and elite physiologists in Australia apparently.

Maybe I am good for him.

Maybe I have been overthinking the link between men and my Dad and Cove, maybe it is possible they aren't all alike.

Maybe Cove will never leave me.

Maybe he won’t.

He emerges from the water; a dripping near-naked man full of pure animal sex. My hormones fire off without warning as he strolls towards me. He moves with total conviction and determination towards me, towards his prize.

And my body is gladly here for him to use.

Here is a man who knows what he wants, and he’s going to get it no matter what stands in his way.

I’m what he wants.

I lean back in the soft warm sand, allowing the X-rated, sexually charged fantasies of Cove I’ve kept locked away to come to the forefront of my mind, replacing every doubt I have about him. My whole body screams out in excited ecstasy as he approaches. I can’t control myself even if I do try.

I’m so ready for him and for his body.

My pussy’s wet and welcoming as every part of my body lights on fire. As he gets nearer, I look up to see his serious face. He’s focused, totally devoted, on me. Such precision. Such desire.

And I know one thing. One thing that I do know for sure.

This man is coming to fuck me.

And I want it.