Page 59 of The Surfer

“Hello, sweetheart,” Mom says when I call. Sandy’s just arrived back from work and I greeted her at the front door, pretending that nothing’s amiss. Pretending that I hadn’t just fucked her brother in his bedroom. And now I’m back in my own room.

I want to talk to Mom, so I’m happy she almost immediately picks up when I ring her phone.

“Hi, Mom, how are you today?”

“You know me, same old.”

I imagine her waking up for another day working at the hospital as a nurse. All the years of her working her butt off in that place just to keep me in school, all those years raising me whilst working full-time. The woman is a saint.

She’s my anchor.

I just want to make sure she never has to work again. If I can hold out here for a few more months and get the money from Sandy’s dad, then Mom will never have to step into a hospital as a nurse ever again.

That’s all I want.

I think about my Dad and how he’d walked out on her when she needed him the most. That experience has scarred her for life, and it also scarred me. All men are like that.

Cove is a man, so he’s also like that.

No, Ripley. Don’t think like that about Cove.

But I know, deep down, it’s true. All it will take is for a man I care about, like Cove, to walk out of my life to scar me in the same way Dad permanently scarred Mom.

I can’t trust men when I’ve seen what happened to Mom.

“You’re doing okay?” I ask her down the phone.

“I’m doing fine, sweetheart. Don’t you dare worry about me, focus on your life down there. How’s everything?”

I want to tell her everything, I want to tell her about Cove and me, but I hold my tongue. I want to tell her about the new hope I’m having, the hope I’ve felt this afternoon when Cove kissed me for the second time. The second kiss. The tender way he spoke to me, the way that made me feel like the only girl in the world. The way he held me in his strong manly arms. I want to let her know about the chaos my heart is feeling around this surfer boy and the uncontrollable way he makes me feel every time he glances at me with those deep blue eyes. I want to divulge everything with her like I’m a giddy schoolgirl. I want to tell her how right this all feels.

I want to tell her everything, but I hold back.

I don’t want to overwhelm her. I don’t want to give her false hope. I don’t want to explain everything just for my heart to be broken by this billionaire playboy. Just like what happened with Dad.

I don’t want to be scarred by a man just like Mom was.

“I’m fine, Mom. There’s nothing new to report, I’m just living my best life down here.”

“That’s great. Is Sandy looking after you well? How is she?”

“She’s great, Mom. Just great.”

I don’t want to tell her I might be ruining the relationship with my best friend just because of her brother and my irresistible desire for him.

I don’t want to tell her about my conflicting heart.

Cove is perfect for me.

But Sandy is my best friend.

And he’s a man, and all men run away in the end.

I don’t want to worry my Mom about the civil war fighting in my own mind. The raging storm brewing in my head.

“And you’re going to the beach every day? I wish I could see it.”

I smile, tears coming to my eyes.

I just miss my Mom. I wish she were here; I wish I could tell her everything.

“Every day, Mom. I’m going to the beach every day. It’s just the best. I know you’d love it if you saw it.”

“Oh, Ripley.”

“I love you, Mom,” I say. My throat’s caught, and I’m beginning to cry. “I miss you so much, Mom.”

She pauses. She knows I’m crying, and she knows something’s bothering me, she knows me too well to know when I’m upset. But she doesn’t mention my crying. She just asks me the best thing she can ask me right now. She becomes my mother and calms me down with one request.

“Tell me about the beach, Ripley,” she asks. “Tell me everything about the beach.”

And, crying down the phone, I tell my Mom everything about the beach.