Page 109 of Dancing in the Dark

“Why’d you even bring me flowers for anyway?”

From my vantage point sitting in Mia’s bedroom doorway, I tilt my head back and listen, aching, as her beautiful little heart shatters. “Why, Fifi? I didn’t dance, so I shouldn’t get flowers.”

“That sounds like a really crappy rule to me, baby. It doesn’t matter that you didn’t dance.” Sera’s gentle voice weaves a sense of calm throughout a room bursting with anxiety. One pulsing with hurt feelings and the humiliation my baby convinces herself she should feel. “I don’t dance on the stage either, remember? Does that mean I should never get flowers ever again?”

Teary-eyed and puffy-faced, Moo squeezes the life out of her Care Bear and stares up at the woman whose back rests against the headboard. “No. I don’t fink that.”

“You don’t think I should get flowers? Or you don’t think I should miss out on flowers?”

My stomach flips with the realization I’ve never bought either of them flowers.

Because I fucking suck.

“I fink you should get flowers.” Mia sniffles. “I sometimes pick them for you on the way to school.”

“You do?”

She nods and swipes her face against her teddy’s fur. “Lots of times. But they get wrecked during the day, so I never get to give them to you.”

“Oh, well…” Grinning, she peels a lock of hair off Mia’s face. “That’s alright.”

“Are you mad at me?” My sweet, sensitive, amazing little girl buries her face in the gap between Sera’s thigh and the bed. “You came to watch me dance, but I didn’t.”

“I am absolutely not mad at you, baby.”

“But I wasted your time.”

“How was it a waste of my time?” Giving up on their too-far-apart positions, Sera merely plucks the favored Care Bear up and sets it near the end of the bed, then she grabs Mia under her arms and lifts her, pulling her onto her lap and tucking her cheek against her chest. “Mia? Honey?” She brushes her hair back. “I came out tonight to spend time with you. And look. Here I am,” she croons, “spending time with you. How could this possibly be a waste of my time?”

“Cos I was s’posed to dance,” she weeps. “I was trying to ask Miss Debbie if you came, but she was busy and kept talking over me. Then it was our turn on the stage, and Jordy was being a dumb jerk, and Jordy’s dad was being loud.”

“Jordy? The little boy from school?”

Mia sniffles and nods. “He didn’t used to be mean to me, but now he is. So then he was being bossy and telling me to move, and Miss Debbie said I had to go right, but I don’t know which way is right.” She lifts both hands. “I don’t know which is left or right yet.”

“Well, I could show you a trick to help you reme⁠—”

“And it doesn’t matter anyway, cos even before Miss Debbie told me to go right, and even before Jordy was being a jerk, I still didn’t wanna dance anyway! I didn’t see Daddy yet, and I didn’t know if you came. I squinted my eyes really far, but the seats are too dark and the stage is too bright, and I really wish we could make the stage dark and the seats bright,” she sobs. “And also, Kara should be allowed to pick her boogers and eat them if she wants to.”

“She…” Sera pauses and audibly gulps. “What?”

“She’s only five, like me. And sometimes when you’re five, your nose annoys you cos there’s a booger up there.”

“That’s…” Sera nods. “Uh huh. That is true.”

“So Kara was nervous like I was nervous, and picking her nose makes her feel better.” She exhales a shuddering breath. “I wish I could dance on the stage where you can see me. I practiced at Miss Debbie’s and I knew all my steps, I promise.”

“I know you did, baby. I know you work really hard at it.”

“I can do it in class,” she cries. “But the stage is scary, and Jordy was being a jerk, so I told him I would get Cato to come after him.”

Jesus.

I tip my head back and swallow the things I want to say about Cato being my daughter’s sword.

“I don’t think it would be a good idea for Cato to beat up a kid,” Sera snickers. “Since Uncle Arch is a policeman, he might have to arrest his own baby brother. How do you think that would go?”

“Probably would be funny.” She releases a watery chuckle. “Cato would cuss, and Uncle Archer would cuss too. Then maybe Felix would bring baby Zora to visit, and he would cuss too. Then Aunty Minka would tell them all to shut up, and Aunt Aubree would call them all idiots. Cato says idiot isn’t a bad word so long as the person you’re calling an idiot is actually an idiot.”