Page 145 of In Between Death and the Devil

“And if I win, and replace Death, things will hopefully rebalance. We’ll share power, which will probably mean you have less of it than you do now. Are you going to be able to deal with that?”

The hand on his leg fisted, his knuckles turning white, and I felt his panic at the thought.

“I know you don’t want to burden me or any of the others with this,” I continued, “but this is not just about you.” I reached over and placed my hand over his to soften my words.

“I’m sorry I can’t be what you, and everyone needs. I wish I could.” His jaw clenched.

“I’m not asking you to fix yourself, Fen, or to fix us right now.”

His gaze was startled when he lifted his eyes to meet mine.

“I’m asking you to let us in so we can help you. We need you to be honest with us about your cravings and how you’re feeling. If you can do that, maybe we can find a way through this. If not…”

“Daphne said something similar,” he said with a small, sheepish smile.

“What did you tell her?”

“I said I would try. I owe it to all of you to try.”

I searched his face and our bond for any sign he was lying, but I found nothing.

It was what I’d asked him for. I should be happy. All I felt was uncertainty. There were no guarantees he would follow through, even if he wanted to. His addiction wasn’t rational. It couldn’t be reasoned with. If it could, he would have found a way to combat it a long time ago. And he was more powerful than any of us. He could construct another wall, and keep more secrets, and there would be nothing I could do to stop him.

He’d lied to me before, and the only thing I could do now was trust that he didn’t want to anymore, and hope for the best. I hated that that was the answer. It felt unfair, but it was the only possible solution. If he relapsed, I’d have to deal with it, and trust that I’d figure out how.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” He stared at me.

“Yes.” I squeezed his hand and gave him a small smile.

His relief was overwhelming. His face lit up, the deep grooves and shadows smoothing out as he smiled back, until I removed my hand from his. “And us? Are we okay?”

It took me a few moments to find the words. “I want us to be, but I’m afraid you’ll lie to me again. I’m not giving up, not even close,” I hastened to add as his face fell. “But it’s going to take some time for me to feel like I can trust you again.”

He nodded, a stricken look on his face. “But you’re staying? To fight.” The vulnerability in his voice brought tears to my eyes.

“Yes. I’m staying.”

Fen let out a shaky breath. “Thank you.”

I reached out for his hand again, needing to touch him. Needing to hold onto the hope that things would get better, that we could survive this.

We sat in silence for a few moments, watching Titus’s chest rise and fall, until the door opened.

“Maeve?” Daphne’s voice sounded a split second before I was yanked out of my chair and pulled into a bone-crushing hug. “You’re back.”

“I am,” I managed to wheeze out.

“Let her breathe, Daph.” Marcus’s smile was warm when Daphne stepped back.

“See?” She smacked Fen in the chest. “I told you she’d return.”

“Yes. You did.” He gave her a small smile before going to stand with Marcus on the other side of the bed.

“Any change?” she asked, turning to look at Titus.

“None,” Fen said.