Page 21 of Snowflakes Over Micklewick Bay

Before I get to any of that, I want to say from the first day you came to live with us, you brought your Uncle Len and me the most enormous happiness. I know the circumstances surrounding it weren’t ideal or happy for you, what with everything that happened on the run-up to it, but you were the most loving young woman with the biggest heart. Once you’d settled in, you filled our home with sunshine and joy. I know it sounds like a cliché, but with your Uncle Len and me not being blessed with children of our own, you filled that role perfectly. You were the daughter we’d never had and we loved you every bit as if you were our own. I hope you felt every single ounce of that love.

‘Oh, I did, Auntie Coll, I so did, and I hope you felt the love I had for you.’ Hannah’s words were engulfed by a sob and she had to push herself to read on.

The next thing I want to say is very important. I don’t want you to find yourself in the same position I did. As we discussed many times after my diagnosis, breast cancer can be treatable if it's caught in time. Unfortunately, as we also discussed, it’s known to run in families which is the reason for this reminder for you to check yourself regularly, and if you find anything that causes you the slightest concern, no matter how small, then you must make an appointment with the doctor straight away. Take advantage of all the screening that’s offered. I’m pretty certain I wouldn’t be in this position if I’d done what I’m asking of you and I’d checked myself as I should have done.

Now I’ve got to the part where I’m going to risk sounding like an interfering busybody, but my intentions are good so please keep reading!

I know your past experiences have made you wary about getting close to anyone – mind, can’t say I blame you with that waste of space, Evan Arnold. What an arrogant upstart he was! I never liked him. He was too in love with himself to have any left over for anyone else! I never knew what you saw in him, flower, he always put me in mind of a weasel. What’s that trendy expression? Oh, aye, he was definitely “punching” when he was dating you. He knew it too, which was why he behaved the way he did, doing all he could to bring you down. The little toad! I’ve never told you this before, but I bumped into him in Middleton-le-Moors. Got the shock of his life when he clapped eyes on me. I don’t mind saying I took great pleasure in telling him exactly what I thought of him – and I didn’t hold back! Wiped the smile right off that smug face of his. I wish you could’ve seen it. I decided not to mention it as I didn’t want to remind you about him and get you all upset again. Anyroad, that’s enough about him, he isn’t worth wasting any more ink and paper on!

Hannah chuckled through her tears. ‘Wish I could’ve seen it too, Auntie Coll.’ Her aunt was the best person to have fighting your corner. She was loyal to the core, and utterly fearless.

And then there’s Lachie. I know you’ve let your experience with both of them put you off opening your heart to love again, but you really shouldn’t. I know there’s someone out there who’s perfect for you and who will give you the love and affection you deserve! I honestly thought Lachie was the man to do just that. I was convinced he was smitten with you. I can’t believe I was so wrong there. I’m so sorry I pushed you towards him, especially as I know you’d taken a shine to him, but it tells me that your feelings are just lurking beneath the surface. When you do meet that special someone, I want you to promise me that you won’t push them away or keep them at arm’s length. You deserve to be loved more than anyone I know and you have the biggest, kindest heart.

The same goes for friendship. You’ve locked yourself away for too long in an attempt to keep from being hurt or let down. There are some truly wonderful people out there, but – and I know you’re not going to be keen on this bit – I’m afraid it’s going to be up to you to take that first step and put yourself out there. It would make me so happy if you could just push yourself a bit; maybe accept that invitation to join the reading group in the village, or join the belly dancing class I used to go to in the village hall on a Wednesday night. It was great fun, no one took themselves seriously and we all had a brilliant laugh! I appreciate there aren’t many lasses your age in Beckinthwaite, but a few do attend these classes. Mind, a quick word of warning, you might want to avoid the life-drawing class on a Monday evening. Last I heard, old Bert Winspear, who farms over at Ghyll Foot Grange, is their latest model and, if rumours are to be believed, the years haven’t been kind to him. Mildred Lumsden said gravity has been savage to his body. And don’t even get me on to what she said about his poses… I’m told the folk who weren’t too traumatised by the sight of him couldn’t draw for laughing. So I’d steer clear, flower.

Hannah gave a hoot of laughter, uncertain if her aunt was being serious about Bert Winspear – he was eighty if he was a day – or if she was just teasing to make her laugh, as she so often used to.

Anyroad, I digress. What I’m trying to say is that friendship has so much to offer. There’s not just the obvious camaraderie, but you have someone to share experiences with, someone to bounce ideas off, someone to have a chat with when you’re feeling a bit lonely, or who’ll lend a sympathetic ear when needed. And on the other side of the coin, you’re there for them, too. It feels good being able to offer support to a pal, knowing they value your opinion and your friendship. It’s almost like having a support network between you. And you don’t have to live out of each other’s pockets either, if that’s what puts you off; I know how you like your own space. Look at the friendship I’ve shared with Birdie. It’s stood the test of time; we’ve been through thick and thin and have always been there for each other. My life’s been so much richer for having her in it, and I didn’t half value her when we lost your mum. I’m not sure I could’ve got through the time without her. Granted, we’ve had our squabbles over the years, but we’ve always got through them. I think they’ve actually made our friendship stronger, made us realise how important we are to one another. Friends can stop you from being lonely; you don’t need loads – quality over quantity – but it’s always good to know a pal’s there for you when you need them.

The word ‘lonely’ hung heavy in Hannah’s thoughts. She’d experienced immense loneliness when she’d lived in Micklewick Bay after her mother had died and Polly and Darryl had moved into their home, isolating her further. That feeling had never left her, no thanks to them and their actions.

Sorry for rattling on. When I first started this letter, I thought what I had to say would only take a couple of pages at most. Got that a bit wrong, didn’t I? I suppose I’ve always been a right old chatter box, but don’t fret, I’ll soon be done. Stick with me, lovey!

Right then, I’m going to warn you in advance that you probably won’t like what I’m going to say next either, but please understand my words come from a place of love and of me wanting the best for you.

‘Uh-oh!’

Okay, here goes – no eye-rolling, please!

So, it’s never been a secret between us that you’ve always been reluctant to talk about the past, and I can completely understand why. You had more than your fair share of heartache and distressing experiences for so many reasons, starting with the loss of your mum – my little sister – at such a young age. Losing a sister was incredibly painful but I can’t even begin to imagine how utterly dreadful it must’ve been for you to lose your mother. It didn’t help that your dad didn’t know how to manage the situation. He was grieving and struggling to come to terms with the unexpected loss of his wife. It was understandable, it had been a shock to everyone, especially under the circumstances. It was obvious to us all he didn’t know how to cope with work as well as be a father to you, but he was too proud to accept our offers of help, though your Uncle Len and me often wondered if guilt played a part in it. It didn’t take long for that dreadful woman Polly to seize the opportunity to inveigle her way into your lives along with her equally toxic son. As if she hadn’t done enough damage already! She’d been circling like a shark, biding her time until she knew the perfect moment to attack. That was when the rot truly set in.

What she and Darryl put you through with their catalogue of lies and despicable behaviour was unforgivable. I honestly don’t know how your father could stand aside and let them get away with it. She’d evidently dripped enough poison into his ear such that he believed her web of lies above his own daughter. When we tried to step in, he broke off all contact, refusing to listen or speak to any of us, including your grandparents – my mum and dad. It wasn’t long after that you turned up on our doorstep and, by heck, your Uncle Len and me weren’t half glad you did.

There’s no wonder you don’t like to resurrect it all, but trust me, flower, by not tackling these things and continuing to bury them away it’s only going to make them harder to face in the long run. Ever since we left Micklewick Bay, you’ve had the tendency to hide away from distressing situations, or even discussing the past. As you know, I used to call it your self-preservation strategy and was happy to go along with it, acting as if the past hadn’t happened, but I now realise that was wrong of me. I should have encouraged you to talk as I’m sure getting your emotions out there would’ve been beneficial to you. I should’ve known that talking about them would’ve eventually made the memories easier to bear, made them smaller, somehow, and not cause you so much anguish. Not only that, by clamming up and acting as if the past hasn’t happened, we’ve allowed Polly and Darryl to get away with all those lies they told. Please know that you were the innocent party in their nasty little schemes. They were in the wrong, NOT YOU! You’ve backed down and hidden yourself away for too long now, not to mention been afraid to venture back to your hometown because you’ve been fearful of what other people would think of you, that they’d judge you on that dreadful woman’s lies and fabrications. That the pair of them have made you feel like that is beyond dreadful and makes my blood boil.

I think it’s time that was put right.

Hannah rested the letter in her lap, a maelstrom of emotions swirling around inside her as the past started pushing through. She hadn’t been expecting any of this. What was her aunt trying to tell her? And what’s more, why had she chosen to say these things now, of all times?

She took a couple of moments for her heart rate to slow and her breathing to steady, then picked up the letter, anticipation squeezing in her chest as she continued reading.

Speaking of Micklewick Bay, I’m going to say something controversial now: I think the lovely little town might just hold the key to a wonderful and happy future for you! Something tells me it could be full of lots of exciting opportunities if only you’d give it a chance.

‘What? No way, Auntie Coll!’

By the way, I heard that groan, young lady, but bear with me! It won’t come as a surprise to you when I say I feel you’re nowhere near to reaching your full potential; we’ve already had enough conversations for you to know I think that! Yes, you’ve made a great success of The Bougie Burger Company – and I’m so very proud of your business acumen and how you put your heart and soul into making it what it is today, but I think you’re capable of so much more. And I think, one day, you’ll find it isn’t enough of a challenge for you, that you’ll outgrow it, which is perfectly natural.

What’s more, you were always such an outgoing little girl with a real zest for life but losing your mum and then what followed quashed your spirit, and you withdrew into that shell you still retreat to when you’re feeling unsettled. But I’ve always had an inkling that that vivacious little girl’s still lurking inside, desperate to get out – I’ve seen enough hints of it over the years for me to believe that, and oh, what a joy she is to see.

Long before I took poorly, I thought you were ready for a new challenge which is when an idea started brewing. I had big plans that I thought would be good for you, and maybe even help bring you out of that shell, but I had to wait until the time was right and get certain things in place before I could mention them to you – what a job that’s been! And then The Beast stepped in and up-skittled everything. Please keep in mind how reluctant you were to work in the burger van initially, but you ended up loving it. I know I’ve never told you this before, but my reason for buying it was to get you out there, meeting people, building your confidence. I know you hovered in the background as much as possible, but it still meant you made contact with people. I had an idea that it would be the perfect solution for you after you were made redundant from your social media job. I know, at the time, you were gutted, but I’d been getting more and more concerned about you working from home. It seemed to make you even more reluctant to leave the house and fuelled your social anxiety, which was when buying the burger van jumped into my mind. With your love of cooking and messing about in the kitchen, I thought it would be the perfect combination. I was chuffed to bits when you proved me right and started experimenting with burger recipes. A hint of your sparkle returned then, but there’s still a fair bit more that needs dusting off!

I know our home in Beckinthwaite has always been a haven for you but its location, so far out of the village, is too isolating for a young woman, especially a young woman who likes to hide herself away. It isn’t healthy for you, which is why I started thinking about Micklewick Bay.

Again, I apologise for sounding like I’m talking in riddles or that I’ve lost the plot – and, in case you’re wondering, no, I haven’t been on Birdie’s damson gin while I’ve been writing! But rather than going into detail about my thoughts on that matter in this letter, I’d like you to make an appointment with old Maurice Cuthbert, my trusted solicitor at Cuthbert, Asquith & Co over in Micklewick Bay. He has a detailed record of all my instructions, all the necessary documents for you to sign as well as a copy of my will – I know you won’t have looked at the one in the drawer yet. He’ll also bring you up to speed with another matter I’ve been dealing with, though that involves my estate too. It might seem a bit daunting at first, but between him and Birdie, I’m confident they’ll keep you right and support you all the way.

Hannah’s heart lurched. What had her aunt been thinking? Why would she send her to Micklewick Bay knowing how she felt about the place? And since when had her aunt’s solicitor been based in the town? She took a deep breath, hardly daring to read on.

And on the subject of Birdie, she’s spoken of renting a cottage in Beckinthwaite village once I’m gone, so that she won’t feel so isolated. She told me she quite liked the idea of living near to the shop and having the bus stop to Middleton-le-Moors on her doorstep – she always did enjoy a trip there and a mooch round the market square. I’d be grateful if you could help her with the moving process and make sure she gets settled. She didn’t say as much, but I suspect she’ll find the prospect of upping sticks a bit daunting.