Page 79 of A Crown of Hopes and Sorrows

Len tilted his head to the side. “Possibly.”

“Do you disagree?”

“What were you anxious about?”

I pulled on the horse’s reins, stalling the creature, and Len did the same. “What do you mean?”

“Zephyrus was giving a speech to the crowd, and you were uncomfortable. Why?”

I frowned. The guards had paused and waited for me to carry forward, their forms peachy in early evening light. “I didn’t want him to proclaim any kind of connection with Niria. He was manipulating me for his own ends, and I damn well knew it.”

Len nodded. “And so did Apollo.”

“Apollo acted out of jealousy.”

“That too.” Len’s dark eyes lifted. “But he saw you needed something, and he responded. Perhaps impulsively, but he stalled Zephyrus nonetheless.”

I groaned. “He used me to shame Zephyrus in front of a room full of people.”

Len combed his gloved fingers down his horse’s mane. “And what do you think that will do for Zephyrus’ plans that you were not a fan of?”

My breath caught, the ice of the air stinging my lungs. It would likely destroy them. Whatever hopes he had on aligning gods with his goal of coming against Zeus and Jupiter were probably ruined now alongside his pride. And that… that possibly put Niria in a better position. Could that have been Apollo’s aim? Maybe he had a purpose beyond just jealousy that drove his actions. He’d said that Zephyrus’ goals didn’t align with mine. And he’d explained that he didn’t tell me about his ascension because he didn’t want to throw off my focus. But, nonetheless…

I clicked my tongue and urged the horse forward again. “I suppose you make a point. But, still… Zeus is likely to hear of this, and then what?”

Len’s dark hair fluttered as a gale of wind whirled around us. “Worst-case scenario, we move into a war we already knew we were heading into.”

“I guess that’s true.”

“Who else doesn’t like Zephyrus?”

“What?”

“Which other deities were there that you know will definitely not align with Zephyrus?”

I considered that as the horses trundled down into a valley where the snow receded, brown grasses sticking out in low spots. “Flora,” I said. “His wife. She can’t stand him.”

“We could go to her?”

I winced but nodded. “Yes, and she’s a part of Jupiter’s court as well. Perhaps we could get an impression if anything has changed in our relationship there.”

“We head west, then.” Len urged his horse into a trot.

I sighed but picked up the pace. Gods, the idea of riding hard for several days on horseback already hurt.

But more than that, the ache of Apollo’s actions still rang through me.

Len seemed to imply that it wasn’t a betrayal, though. Maybe Apollo was considering my country with his decisions as well. But he’d used me. Publicly. The shame of that burned on my cheeks again, the idea of having to share it with my father sinking into me. I would disappoint him. I would let him down. And the misery of that pooled in my stomach.

I had told Apollo he couldn’t just put me first. That my kingdom had to come before us. Is that what he was doing with his actions and keeping things from me? For all my logic and reasoning, I hated the reality of it. Apollo disrespecting me like that—for any purpose—crossed a line. And we couldn’t be in a relationship if he kept major things from me.

But maybe he wasn’t the only one acting impulsively. I’d sent him away without truly discussing things.

No. It was a good thing for us to have some space. I wasn’t even sure I could forgive him yet. If he was here, those feelings would only fester further.

Some small part of me wished I could reverse time, however. Unwind the last week, ignore the wind gods, and hide Apollo in the recesses of my memory, before everything fell apart.

I clenched my teeth and shifted in the saddle as we pressed forward into an uncertain future.