Page 69 of A Crown of Hopes and Sorrows

The laughter picked up again. Some deities rolled their eyes while others pushed out of the room, eager to separate from the shame and drama of it all.

“Cyn,” Apollo said.

“Let’s go,” I growled. I couldn’t talk to him about it. Not there in front of everyone. I inclined my head to Delon and Len, and they both fell in alongside us. Eyes trailed our group as we left.

Once we made it to the stables and guards hitched up our horses, Apollo approached me again. “Cyn, listen…”

“No. Not here.”

He nodded.

I tossed my bag into the carriage. I couldn’t even look at Apollo. How could he? How could he possibly have done that?

Trust was what we had between us.

That and respect were the foundation of our entire relationship.

And he’d just set it on fire, shamed me, destroyed everything because of his petty jealousy. I wanted to sink into the snow and let it swallow me whole. I wanted to scream until my throat turned raw. I wanted to throttle him.

Instead, I hopped up into my seat on the chariot and kept my eyes ahead when Apollo joined me. As the horses trotted out into the ice of the world, my heart sank. I didn’t understand how he could have done that, and I had no idea how to handle it. My soul ached as we trundled out into the ivory of the day.

27

Epiphany

Meadow’s feet clattered along the path, seashells and pebbles jumping by her feet as she galloped along it. The wind whipped over both of us, brushing my hair away from my face. The trail we took curled alongside a densely forested mountain that swallowed the view of the house and the beach and left me feeling—for a moment at least—alone in the world.

My guards had startled when we’d trotted out of the stable and left without so much as me looking over my shoulder as they cried out. They’d probably given Valerian an earful. A tinge of guilt pinched at me. But, no. I was so mad at Valerian I hoped they tore into him.

I tried to make sense of everything Val had said. But warmth swept up over my cheeks again. He’d regretted it, wished he could take it back. I bet my brothers never had their lovers telling them they had remorse over joining their beds.

No. It was because I was a princess. Fucking double standard.

I dug my heels into Meadow’s side, and she picked up her pace, darting along the forest path and farther into the mountain, causing bushes to tremble as she turned corners and smacked against them.

My whole damn life I’d been treated differently, and I was freaking tired of it. I wanted one person who really saw me beyond politics, rules, and connections.

I had thought I’d found that in both Temi and Val.

But, no.

Now that Temi knew she was a goddess, maybe she didn’t want a mere mortal as a friend. No. Not just a mortal. A princess—a shiver of equal parts frustration and revulsion coursed down me—who might stir up international issues. Who wanted to be friends with a high-profile but useless person like me?

And Valerian… The heat returned to my face, warming my neck. Meadow’s rhythmic clattering filled the spaces between our breaths. Valerian wanted me married off to some Lord where he didn’t have to bother with the shame he felt about me anymore.

He was in love with me—had sex with me—but wasn’t willing to risk anything for our sake. Or for mine.

It hurt.

Beyond all the anger burning through me, that deep ache of betrayal was the actual emotion. I felt so lost and so incapable of doing anything about it.

I turned a corner and passed a large tree that wept towards the ground, its branches scraping into the sandy path. We’d already passed that tree. Which meant I sent us in circles around the damn mountain. Just like my life. I felt like I was making progress, doing something important, but it was all a game.

I clacked my teeth together hard enough that it hurt as we took another bend.

And then I jerked on Meadow’s reins hard, pulling her up short to avoid hitting someone standing in the path.

Meadow snorted and tossed her mane.