Page 49 of A Crown of Hopes and Sorrows

“I’m so tired of being careful.”

“I mean…” His fingers snagged mine, his other hand finding the dip in my lower back. “You could get pregnant if we go too far.”

I laughed and let my fingers trail along his neck, trace over the sharp edges of his collarbone. “Val, women know how to prevent pregnancy. There are herbs you can take to keep that from happening.”

His lips parted. “Are you taking those?”

“I am.”

“So, you planned on something… like this… happening between us?”

I kissed the edge of his collarbone, and he shivered. “Maybe I hoped it would.”

His chest rose against me with his breath. I rolled his shirt up, and he leaned forward, allowing me to peel it off of him. He fell back into the straw and then winced.

“What’s wrong?”

“The hay.” He chuckled. “It’s kind of sharp.” He shifted, sitting up, holding me in his lap. I brushed my hands over his broad shoulders, peeling bits of the grass off his skin. He lifted his chin and kissed me deeply, his arms tightening around me, as if his touch could make sense of us two, the way our lives intertwined like the braids of the crowns he’d always made me.

I drew back and trailed my fingers along the muscles of his chest. He trembled, tensing as I allowed my hands to slip down his form. How many times had I watched him shirtless and longed to feel his skin under mine? I lifted my dress up over my head and dropped it with a chuff that made bits of hay jump.

Valerian whispered his fingers along the flesh of my exposed midriff like he touched something priceless. “Gods Epiphany, you are beautiful.”

My arms quivered, but I raised them and untied the band covering my breasts. The fabric drifted down into our laps, but neither of us shifted it. Valerian released a breath, his thumbs tracing up along my side. His hands shook, and I put one of mine over his to steady it. “Are you nervous?”

“Yes,” he said.

The trembling in his muscles picked up, his gaze darting between my eyes and my bared body. I gasped. “Wait, have you never?”

Valerian’s fingers froze. “No, I haven’t.”

“Oh.” I fumbled for words, warmth sweeping up my cheeks. “I thought you had… I mean, Hyacinth and Delon and most of your friends… well…”

“Just because I’m their friend doesn’t imply that I do everything they do.”

“Oh,” I said again. The word hung in the air, our bodies frozen aside from thundering hearts and shaky breaths.

“Have you?”

“No.” I braced my hand against his chest. “I haven’t. I just thought one of us would know what we’re doing.”

Valerian chuckled breathily. “I’m sorry to disappoint you.”

“You haven’t.” I rested my forehead against his, and my nipples grazed his flesh, sending a flood of warmth through me again. “I shouldn’t have assumed. But I thought that with you being Cyn’s friend...”

Valerian scoffed. “Are you seriously going to tell me you think Cyn is the authority on how to pleasure a woman anyhow?”

I raised my face. For a moment we stared at each other, two shadows dipped in moonlight, unsure of our next move. Then we both burst into a laugh. My shoulders eased, and I kissed his jaw. “We’ll figure it out, Val. We don’t have to do what anyone else does. You know? We can just do whatever feels good to both of us, right?”

He nodded. “You’ll tell me if anything doesn’t feel good for you?”

“I will.”

His mouth met mine again, and a new energy swept into his touch, like he’d been holding back. His hands grazed my flesh hungrily, and I moaned. “Here,” he breathed. He freed one hand and smoothed out our discarded clothing. He rolled me over onto it. The hay still crunched against my skin, but then his body hovered over mine and I didn’t care. I pulled him against me. He paused, though. “Stop me if there’s anything you don’t like.”

“I will.”

He nodded, and his flesh burned against me again. Stars winked in the ebony silk of the sky just outside the window. They sparkled as our fingers discovered the planes and curves of each other. I gasped and closed my eyes as our bodies joined.