Page 23 of A Crown of Hopes and Sorrows

“Valerian,” I said as I stepped into the clearing.

His face snapped up. “Epiphany.” He cleared his throat and reached out to a tree limb, snagging his tunic from it and jerking it on. Moisture bled through the fabric, causing it to cling to his form. “What… what are you doing out here?”

“I’m sorry to interrupt you.”

He pulled at his hair with the towel. “You don’t have a guard with you?”

“Temi helped me sneak away.”

He released an uneasy chuckle. “I still can’t decide if she’s a good influence or not.”

I grinned but stepped in closer to him, the hush of the falls echoing around. “I asked her to help me because I needed to speak with you alone.”

His body stilled, his eyes—shadowed so that they appeared navy in the darkening light—widened. I trembled, my heart racing, and reached out for his hand. His fingers stiffened at my touch, and I bowed my head. “Valerian, I’m—”

“Pip, don’t,” he whispered.

I lifted my gaze to meet his again. “I must.” A muscle in his jaw ticked. Some bird cooed, and I breathed in with the sound. “I’m in love with you.”

His mouth dropped, and he shook his head. “Epiphany… no.”

I released his hand. “You don’t feel the same.”

His arm scrambled forward, his fingers lacing into mine again. “It’s not that. It’s...” He gestured with his free hand towards the water that glistened lilac as if the river could explain everything.

“Are you...” I swallowed. The murk of the riverbed sank into the charcoal shadows of night, and my voice dropped to a whisper alongside it. “Are you not attracted to me?”

“Epiphany,” he gasped. He drew in closer, and his eyes raked over me. A chill ran from the top of my head to the base of my toes, swirling along with the curves of my body, making me intimately aware of every inch of my flesh. Valerian’s voice barely rose over the noise of the rushing water. “You’re, by far, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. And you must know I feel the same as you. I thought”—he hesitated, his eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks—“we’ve both felt the same way for a long time but said nothing because we knew…”

“We knew what?”

His shoulders dropped, the mist enveloping around him, his eyes reflecting the starlight. “That I’m not good enough for you.”

I grabbed his free hand, curling my fingers into his. “That isn’t true. Where it matters, you’re wonderful. Your integrity, your kindness.” I stepped in closer. “A judgment of someone’s worth should be based on their character. With that parameter, you’re the best person I know. And I’m tired of being in love with you from the sidelines. Don’t you feel the same?”

He bowed his head, and his face dipped into shadows. An outline of a leaf fluttered in the breeze behind him. “Of course, I do.”

“Then let’s stop pretending. Let’s”—I whispered my free fingers over his arm, and his muscles stiffened—“be together.”

Val froze for several heartbeats before loosening my hands and turning towards the river, his ankles getting lost in long grasses. “I’m sorry. I can’t.”

“You can’t?”

He shook his head. “I can’t disrespect your family like that. Or, more importantly, disrespect you in that manner.”

My lips trembled, and words stuck on my tongue, sinking to the pit of my stomach. When they finally rose, they came with heat. “So, you love me but not enough to face the hardships our relationship might cause?”

He shifted back towards me, and the wind rippled his tunic against him. He brushed his knuckles over my cheek, and I shivered. “Oh, Pip.” His fingers trailed down my neck and glided along my collar bone before he dropped his hand. “It’s just the opposite. I love you too much to burden you with sullying your reputation with mine.”

“It wouldn’t be a burden to me.”

He released a heavy breath. “I don’t mean this disrespectfully, but you’ve always had an elevated status. You don’t know what it means to bear a poor reputation.”

“But, Val—”

He raised my hand and kissed the tips of my fingers, causing me to freeze. Crickets chirped, their songs overtaking the roaring water. His voice came thick with feeling. “You’re a princess, Epiphany. You deserve to be treated with every honor. And I certainly won’t be the one to tear that down. I love you far too much to do that to you. Can you understand?”

Hot tears welled up in my eyes and spilled along my cheeks. “And I love you too much to continue pretending to just be friends.” I drew back from him, freeing my hands. “If you believe nothing more will come of us, then I’m done.”