Page 92 of A Lady’s Guide to Subterfuge and Science

“I was a little rough with you this time.”

Oliver rolled to his side, propping his head up with his hand. He gave her a wolfish grin, brushing a stray curl from her forehead. “You’ll hear no complaints from me. In fact, I invite you to be as rough with me as you like.”

She blushed. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Me, ridiculous? Never.”

Kalila studied him in that brilliant, intelligent way of hers before whispering, “I don’t want to subject you to what you suffered at the hands of your parents.”

Oliver frowned down at her, confused. “Why would you say that?”

“I said I’d come to resent you.”

“The moment you do—if you do—I’ll give it all up.”

“Give what up?” she asked, this time reaching up to push his hair out of his forehead.

Leaning into her touch, he said, “Science.”

Kalila’s went pale with horror. “No! I’d never let you do that. And—then you’d resent me, and we’d never win.” She let out a frustrated exhale. “I don’t want either of us to be miserable. That’s all.”

Oliver examined her, taking in her large eyes, her pretty lips, the beauty marks scattered around her collarbones. She was a vision. “Are you miserable now?”

Kalila considered his words for a moment before replying with a hushed, “No. Not now, not when you’re with me.”

His heart clenched at her words, which almost sounded like a declaration of devotion to his lovesick ears.

“Then,” he said, matching her tone, “I’ll have to make sure you never feel any differently.”

Her expression changed. She pressed her lips together in a firm line, and an analytical air came over her. “Either way, we are speaking in hypotheticals.”

“We are?”

“Aren’t we?” she countered. “Thinking you might fall in love isn’t the same as being in love, is it?”

No, it wasn’t. The only problem was that Oliver was in love and had been too much of a coward to tell her so. What seemed like a hypothetical to her was a full-blown fact to him—one that was dangerously close to falling out of his mouth.

He wondered about the hesitance that always seemed to bubble up when their conversations turned to love and the future. He understood Kalila well enough to know that she wouldn’t give him the time of day if her fondness for him didn’t warrant it. And considering how much time she spent with him, he’d hazard that her affection for him ran quite deep. All he needed to know was if that affection had any chance of turning into love. He’d alluded to a connection existing between them in the shed, had told her that he liked her that very same evening—he didn’t understand why she couldn’t simply—

She’s protecting herself from heartbreak.

Of course she was. Kalila was always guarded, always protective. The hurt she’d experienced nine years ago had clearly left its mark, rendering her unable to see what was so obvious even to him.

“Let me take you somewhere,” he said.

Kalila knit her brow, bewildered. “Now?”

“Now.”

Chapter Twenty-Two

The long and short of it, Kalila thought as she followed Oliver down a dark pavement, is that I’m terrified.

She was sure—almost certain, in fact—that Oliver was confused. But none of this was easy for her. She had built very, very strong walls around her heart in the years since it had last been betrayed, and now it felt like those walls could be knocked over with the brush of a feather. Of course it was terrifying. Every time she allowed herself to be pulled in by the warm, dreamy promise of being with Oliver, something inside her grabbed her by the elbow and gave a sharp tug, returning her to reality. It was a reality filled with the inevitability of resentment and suffocation.

But perhaps the inevitability part of it was something she’d simply made up to protect herself.

It was definitely something she’d made up to protect herself.