Page 55 of Offside

Landon

My whole day was just a numb blur right now.

It felt sort of like a dream–things just happened around me and only in fractured pieces. Enough for me to be confused when I got home about how I got there and how long I had been there.

Days were boring, nights were sad, and we considered it a win when I remembered to eat two meals in the same day.

We being me and myself.

My mom tried calling to check in on me…I don’t know–maybe last week sometime? She tried to call, and I didn’t answer, but then she got worried and called my sister, who blew up my phone until I finally answered.

It just happened to be when I was trying to stop crying, so I sounded all sniffly and sad.

Now she’d been up my ass for…I don’t know–however long since that happened.

Maybe a week.

All I knew for certain was that it was officially one week before playoffs, and I couldn't have cared less.

I felt bad for Sean that he got saddled with me right now, because I wasn’t a good partner. I didn’t care, and I had no will or desire to do anything but go home and rot.

“Marks!” Banning called out, catching me just as I was walking out of the arena. I had big plans of rotting on my couch in absolute silence until I passed out, so he was really cutting into my me time here.

Reluctantly, I stopped in my tracks, swallowing down the lump in my throat that had been living there for weeks now. I forced a straight face, but it didn’t seem to sell anything to him based on his cocked eyebrow and inquisitive inspection of me.

“Something going on, Marks?” he asked, arms crossed over his chest. “Sean’s still too green to complain about you, but I have eyes, son. I know how hard you work to make new partners fit, but it doesn’t even seem like you’re trying with him.”

Like I said–it was a real shame for Sean.

It wasn’t Sean’s fault that I felt like I had a cavity in my chest that was slowly infecting the rest of my body. Or that the only thing I could seem to focus on was whether that sound I'd just heard was Sam falling in his apartment next door or just the building settling.

Or that the only peace I got in my day was being here, and only because I knew Sam wouldn’t be back to see how far I’d decayed as a person from him.

“I’m not trying to force you or anything, Marks–I’m…worried,” he said quietly, his eyes softening slightly. “You and Karter have become such a good team, and I’m not getting chatter about either of you on the chopping block anymore, but I’m worried I will soon.”

The absolute last thing I needed was to be reminded of Sam at all right now, but to toss in my place here being dangled on a stick was just…wow–I was killing it.

“I’m sorry,” I managed to say, holding my voice steady. “I’m just…I’m going through some stuff personally–”

“Something with your family?” he asked, concern racking his face. “You know I can give you time to deal with anything going on if it's them.”

Heat crawled across my skin, my throat closing almost completely. I tried to keep my breathing normal, but the burn behind my eyes was making me feel like I was about to pass out if I tried holding it all in for one more second.

“It’s, uh,” I barely got out, coughing out the first wave of a cry I could no longer hold back.

It was so embarrassing to be standing in the fucking hall and crying like a baby to my coach, but I couldn’t stop it. I kept sniffling and trying to end it, but it just got worse when Banning started pulling me into his office.

Like, even he was embarrassed to be standing there with the six-foot vampire who was blubbering like a baby for no reason.

“Son, calm down–what’s going on?” he asked, gently shutting his office door and resting a large hand on my shoulder.

My mouth kept trying to make words, but none of them were right. I couldn’t make a sound appear on my tongue that wasn’t just more pathetic crying.

Crying over a man who was just…a liar.

“My boyfriend's a liar,” I finally coughed out, making him flinch as more tears rolled down my cheeks.

No, it wasn’t lost on me that I still couldn’t call him an ex-boyfriend.