Page 72 of The Secret Diary of Anne de Bourgh

“It is so strange,” Mary said quietly to me, as we sat drinking our tea. Georgie was at the pianoforte as always, Kitty turning the pages for her, so we were quite private. “A year ago, I should have said it was most unlikely I should ever marry. I could not imagine a man who could make me happy, and if I could, would not have been able to believe I could make him so.”

“We have both come very far in a year,” I agreed, thinking of my own life. A year ago, I could scarcely rise from my bed without wondering what Lady Catherine or Dr Thornely would require of me. Today Mary has poured our tea, Kitty has made Elizabeth laugh, and nobody has asked me to be grateful for sitting among them. I am grateful all the same.

I am resolved to be more grateful for all of it.

3 September

Mrs Matthew Thurston came to play with Georgiana this morning. Her brother had already gone out with Darcy, so we had her to ourselves for some time.

She says that Hugh now examines the sky before breakfast and asks everybody whether they expect rain. Elizabeth thought this an accomplishment he had probably acquired from Darcy.

The ladies’ duet was very pretty, once they had agreed how quickly to play it. I had heard Georgiana practising her part, but had not understood how much was missing until they sat down together. Seeing two ladies who are both exceedingly accomplished play together was a great treat.

Georgiana was quite at ease in making suggestions and asking to try a passage again. I was glad to see her enjoying herself so much.

Kitty was examining her drawing once again, before sending it to Mrs Gardiner. The cuffs have at last been altered to her satisfaction, and she has added a small sketch to make their arrangement quite clear.

She was considering whether another line would improve it when Elizabeth gently took away her pencil and suggested that the packet must be sent immediately, as the under-housekeeper was waiting to go into Lambton and needed to take the post with her.

Kitty hemmed and hawed, but finally agreed to send the packet, and Elizabeth rang for a footman to take it before she could change her mind.

I thought Kitty might then sit quietly with me and listen to the music, but she soon required me to stand while she considered something about my masquerade gown. Mary rescued me by bringing her own costume for an opinion, and I sat down before Kitty could object.

The gentlemen returned while Georgiana and Mrs Matthew were still at the instrument. I asked Mr Byerly whether they had finished bringing in the grain from the field we visited on Wednesday.

He seemed pleased that I remembered, and assured me that it had been secured before yesterday’s rain. Apparently Darcy had been right to be anxious about it.

The ladies played their duet through for us. There was one small hesitation, but neither stopped, and we applauded them very warmly.

Mr Byerly thanked me afterwards for asking his sister to come. I told him that Georgiana had been looking forward to it, and that I hoped they would play together again.

I had completed very little sewing by the time our visitors departed. I did not particularly regret it. It had been a pleasant morning.

7 September

Jane has written that the Bingley household intend to remove to London towards the latter part of this month. They will return to Netherfield for Mary’s wedding, but she wishes to have their household comfortably arranged before then.

She wrote that Mr Bingley has begun making lists of things he must remember, although he does not always remember where he has put them. Elizabeth was much amused by this. Mary thought he ought to keep a single book to write everything in, which seemed sensible until Lizzy pointed out that he would probably mislay that too.

Jane has offered to undertake some errands for Mary in town. Mary began by saying that she did not wish to trouble her, but was persuaded that Jane would be disappointed to have nothing to do for her sister. She began making out a list, with Elizabeth and Kitty adding decided opinions on what should be on it.

Elizabeth handed me Jane’s letter to read for myself, which I was doing, laughing over Jane’s turn of phrase – Jane is a surprisingly witty correspondent, sometimes making dry observations I am sure she would never say aloud – when Mr Byerly came in. He had been out with Darcy again. Elizabeth invited him to sit down and called for tea.

“A letter?” he said, seeing me with it in my hand.

“Indeed, from my sister Mrs Bingley! Are you acquainted with her husband Mr Bingley? I am sure the two of you would get along famously; you are both such obliging gentlemen,” Elizabeth said.

“I am not, to my regret, but I shall hope to make both his and Mrs Bingley’s acquaintance soon,” he said.

“I am sure you shall, in London this autumn,” Elizabeth said. “They are removing there shortly.”

Upon hearing of the Bingleys’ plans, he told us that he expects to leave Derbyshire on Monday the nineteenth, after the masquerade. There are matters at his London house which require his attention.

I had known he would not remain at Thurston Hall indefinitely, but his visits have become so much a part of our days that I shall find it odd when he no longer comes in with Darcy. I was examining my own feelings about his upcoming departure, and finding them still sadly lacking in comparison to how I feel every time Richard leaves, when he asked whether I was looking forward to London, and expressed a hope that we might enjoy some of its amusements together.

“I should like that,” I said.

He looked very pleased. I was glad that I could answer him honestly, though I hoped he would not suppose I had meant more than I said.