Page 67 of The Secret Diary of Anne de Bourgh

At breakfast he asked whether I had practised the new music. I told him that I had, though not very successfully.

“Then I shall expect to hear a considerable improvement when I return.”

“You ought not to expect too much.”

“I have great confidence in your diligence.”

I tried to smile.

Later I saw Sanderson carrying his things down, and went upstairs upon the pretence of fetching my shawl. I already had it over my arm. I did not notice until I reached my room.

I sat down for a little while.

Then I heard movement below and knew that I must go back, unless I wished to miss saying goodbye altogether.

Richard was in the hall with Darcy. Elizabeth and the girls came to join us, and we all went out to the carriage.

He was in very good spirits. He thanked Elizabeth for having him, promised Georgiana that he would not forget September, and submitted to a sisterly embrace from Mary and Kitty’s reminder that he must have a costume.

Then he turned to me, and took my hand, leaning down to place a kiss on my cheek. “Goodbye, Annie.”

I could remember none of the ordinary things I had intended to say. “Goodbye,” I said, very stiff and formal.

He looked at me more closely. “Are you quite well?”

I nodded jerkily. My throat had begun to ache. “I shall miss you,” I managed to mumble.

It was true. It was also only a very small part of the truth.

Richard’s face softened. “I shall miss you too. But it will not be long.” He pressed my hand, then released it and turned towards the carriage.

I stood beside Elizabeth while he got in. Sanderson made certain that everything was arranged as Richard wished, and presently they were ready to leave.

Richard looked back at us before the carriage moved.

I managed to raise my hand, and stand waving until the carriage was lost among the trees.

Afterwards, I remained where I was. I knew that I ought to go indoors, but I did not think I could speak to anybody yet.

Georgiana touched my arm. “Oh, Anne,” she said, in her soft voice.

I turned towards her. There was nothing but kindness in her face. Kindness, and such understanding that I could not bear it.

She knew.

Georgiana knew. She had seen it, and now she was sorry for me.

“Leave me alone!”

I spoke much more loudly than I intended.

Her hand fell away.

I could not look at her again. I spun on my heel and marched indoors and towards the stairs, scarcely able to see where I was going through the hot tears blinding me.

I heard hurrying footsteps behind me.

“No,” I heard Elizabeth say quietly. “Let her be.”