Page 29 of The Secret Diary of Anne de Bourgh

“I am not sorry.” I lifted my chin. “She has been cruel to Lizzy, and I have heard how she speaks of you when you are out of the room, though she lives under your roof.”

“She is disappointed. We must try to be kind to those who are not so fortunate as ourselves.”

“She has money, health, and a brother who gives her almost everything she asks for. I cannot find much pity for her at this moment.”

“I cannot tell you whom to pity,” Jane said, folding the little gown in her lap.

Jane had done nothing to deserve my anger. I thought of Richard’s coming departure, of the London plans settled without me, and found I could not endure another word. “I am sorry,” I managed, and left before I began to cry in front of them.

Georgiana followed me. She found me weeping into my pillow and sat down beside me without asking for an explanation. When I turned towards her, she drew my head into her lap and stroked my hair until I could speak again.

8 June

I woke cross and weary after crying myself to sleep. I had been unfair to Jane, who had tried to be kind even while I snapped at her. I must apologise when I see her.

Georgiana had stayed beside me all night. I woke to find her asleep on the other pillow and kissed her cheek. She opened her eyes and smiled.

“You are an angel,” I told her. “I do not deserve your friendship.”

“Deserving or not, it is yours,” she said, “even when you wake me before the chocolate has arrived.”

We laughed, and I felt equal at last to getting up. At breakfast I apologised to Jane. She said she understood that I had been upset, and passed me the marmalade.

Darcy has agreed that Georgiana may dance with gentlemen known to our party, though her own ball is still to come. Tonight is the Meryton Assembly. She has been so excited that even I have begun to look forward to it, despite expecting no invitations beyond Darcy’s and Bingley’s. My new gown is palest pink, with crystal beads at the bodice, and Elizabeth has lent me a lace shawl. The maid has dressed my hair in curls and brought out my new dancing slippers. I stopped before the mirror when she urged me to look.

“Yer so beautiful, Miss.” The girl tweaked at the ribbon at my waist, fluffing the bow carefully. “Yer’ll be danced right off them pretty slippers, I reckon!”

“A daunting thought.” I smiled, not wanting to tell her I expected to barely dance at all, but spend most of the evening standing on the sidelines wistfully watching. “You have made me look lovely, and I thank you. You don’t have to sit in here all evening to wait for me, do you?”

“Oh no, Miss. I’ll have me dinner and nap for a while; one of the footmen will run to fetch us girls when the carriages come back, and I’ll come to help you undress.”

I thanked her and went carefully downstairs, afraid of creasing my gown before we had even left Netherfield. Fifteen minutes in a carriage would do more to it than I was likely to manage on the stairs, but I held my skirts clear of the banister all the same.

Miss Bingley and Mrs Hurst are staying at Netherfield tonight. My uncle has elected to attend the assembly, to my surprise, and Richard means to come though he cannot dance. Earlier, while I was passing the library, I heard Miss Bingley suggest that he might find more pleasure in remaining at home.

“The pleasure of the company will be reason enough to go,” Richard answered. Through the partly open door I saw Caroline flush. She pulled off her gloves and walked away, calling for her maid.

“Even if my preferred company listens at doors,” Richard added. I laughed in surprise, and he beckoned me into the library. He sat down heavily on a leather couch and closed his eyes for a moment.

“Eavesdropping was the only way I ever learned anything at Rosings,” I said, not quite an apology. “It is a hard habit to break.”

“I do not reproach you, Annie.” He opened one eye. “A soldier listens at doors as well. If he knows what orders are coming, he can prepare his men before they are given.”

“Exactly!” I agreed, relieved. “And certainly if people are talking about me, I think I have a right to know what they are saying. Especially if they are discussing my future!”

“Ah, been listening in on Darcy and my father, have you? Are they decided on what you shall do this winter?”

“Kitty and I are to be introduced to society.” I traced a pattern on the carpet with the toe of my slipper. “Elizabeth will not be able to escort us everywhere, but there is a widowed cousin of Darcy’s who may help.”

“Mrs Verity?” Richard asked.

“That was the name, I think. Do you know her?”

“We have met. She is pleasant enough, as I recall. The Darcys keep even distant relations close. I believe she lives in Oxford, though it has been some years since I saw her.”

I said nothing of how little I wanted the London plans. A winter at Matlock still tempted me, but I had resolved to give myself the chance of meeting a husband. When we set out, I rode with Jane, Bingley and Richard; Darcy, Lizzy, Georgiana, Doctor Spears and my uncle took the other carriage. I wished the choice before me felt more like my own.

9 June