Page 105 of The Secret Diary of Anne de Bourgh

“Is he to stay here?”

“At Matlock House, of course.”

Then James would see him first.

I must have looked as troubled as I felt, because Richard took the paper gently from my hand.

“Anne, neither my father nor James has authority to decide whom you shall marry, or to make you return to Rosings. Darcy is your guardian, and he and I are your trustees. Nothing in this letter alters that.”

“But you are still dependent upon your father.”

His lips tightened a little.

“That is for me to concern myself with.”

“I cannot help being concerned too.”

“I know.” His voice was gentler then. “But you have done nothing wrong, and I do not wish you to spend the next few days fearing that you must somehow put matters right. My father cannot force me into any decisions that would be detrimental to your happiness, I promise you that.”

I cannot make him the promise I think he wanted in return, because I cannot promise not to worry.

Lord Matlock has always been kind to me. Nevertheless, James is his eldest son, and I do not know what account he will give of our quarrel. He thought himself entirely in the right when he left us.

I am afraid he will find it very easy to explain why everybody else was wrong.

8 December

Lord Matlock arrived this evening.

Darcy had paid one of the grooms in the mews to bring word as soon as his carriage reached Matlock House. The message came shortly before dinner.

Richard thanked Darcy for arranging it, and said that he supposed we should hear from his father tomorrow.

I had hoped he might send for Richard at once. Then I thought how uncomfortable it would be for Richard to go there with James waiting for him, and was glad that he had not.

I could eat very little at dinner; Georgiana noticed, and asked if I did not like the soup. Darcy offered to have something else brought for me. I assured them that there was no need.

Afterwards I sat beside Kitty, who sketched busily while Georgiana played. Richard was listening too, with his leg stretched towards the fire.

I tried to attend to the music. Instead, I kept wondering what James was saying to his father, and whether Lord Matlock believed him.

9 December

Lord Matlock came this morning and asked to speak with Darcy, Richard and me together.

We went into Darcy’s study. I had been so anxious to know what he would say that I found it difficult to attend to the ordinary enquiries with which he began. He asked after my health, and Elizabeth’s, and whether we were comfortable in London.

Then he said that James had told him of his visit.

I clasped my hands together in my lap to try and conceal their tremor.

My uncle looked at me, and there was nothing but kindness in his face as he said “I should like to hear your account of it, Anne.”

I looked towards Richard before beginning. He gave me a little nod, but did not attempt to answer for me.

I told Lord Matlock about Mr Byerly first. It seemed necessary to explain how the quarrel had begun, though I was afraid he might think me foolish too. I said that I had taken pains to allow Mr Byerly to know my decision before he came to the point of proposing as I thought it kindest. That Mr Byerly had accepted my refusal very kindly, and that I did not understand why James should be so much angrier about it than the gentleman I had disappointed.

Lord Matlock did not smile at that. “And Rosings?” he asked.