Page 24 of The Way the Heart Breaks: Jade’s Story

Mom’s curled into herself on one end of the couch while Dad sits beside her, one hand rubbing circles against her back.

“I killed them,” she whispers those words again

Dad closes his eyes. “No.”

“I did.”

“You didn’t.” He argues.

“I killed my boys.”

Before I can stop myself, I’m down the stairs and standing in front of them.

They both look up. Mom’s face is blotchy and swollen from crying, and Dad looks exhausted, like he hasn’t slept in months. I know he hasn’t.

“You didn’t kill them,” I say.

Mom shakes her head immediately. “Jade⁠—”

“No.” My voice shakes. “You didn’t.”

Tears spill harder down her face. “I was driving.”

“It was an accident.” Tears, so many tears, are falling down my face now, too. “It was Jasper, Mom!”

The room goes completely still. Mom stares at me, and Dad too.

I swallow hard. “Tessa heard Danny talking to Uncle John after. Danny and Ryan were behind you,” I whisper. “Whoever was sitting in the middle grabbed the wheel.”

Mom’s mouth falls open slightly.

I can barely breathe now, but I keep going anyway. “It was Jasper. Jasper always sat in the middle.” I say again, tears running hot down my face. “He probably saw the dog and panicked.”

Mom makes this horrible sound. Not loud, not screaming. Just pain, pure pain.

Dad drops his head into his hands.

“I should’ve protected—” Mom starts.

“You tried,” I say immediately. My voice breaks apart. “You tried!”

Mom starts sobbing harder than I’ve heard since they returned from the hospital, and Dad pulls her into him while she shakes against his chest.

Song: Look Away- Chicago

Christmas

I knew Christmas morning wouldn’t be the same. But after the other night, it's changed. We’re all feeling out loud now, well as much as we can.

But still, my brothers aren’t running into my room and leaping on my bed to wake me up. Mom and Dad aren’t laughing in the doorway.

I stay in bed staring at my ceiling until I smell coffee downstairs.

The tree lights glow softly in the living room.

Presents sit underneath it. Not enough presents, but too many at the same time. I can’t decide which feels worse.

Mom’s already awake, already dressed, already smiling.