Page 19 of The Way the Heart Breaks: Jade’s Story

Aunt Maggie tells me she’s got it and takes the broom. She doesn’t know that I… need to clean.

I hear the car. I stand in the hallway.

They help her inside. Her arm’s in a sling. Her face is bandaged.

She doesn’t look at me. Not once. I wait for her to say my name. She doesn’t.

Song— Fast Car

Day 5

I still think I’m going to wake up from this hell. I keep waiting for it. For something normal. It doesn’t come.

Alex still doesn’t talk. He leaves when I walk in. Or I leave when he does.

Ryan hasn’t come around. Not once.

I still look for him.

I know they are here with us. I feel them everywhere. I see them in the clouds and the stars.

Song: Fast Car

Day 6

The whole town is here at the church. Everyone.

People hug me and whisper their condolences. “I’m so sorry.” Or tell me, “You’re so strong.”

I’m not, but I nod anyway.

That’s what I’m supposed to do… right?

Song— Hands to Heaven, Breathe

Two Weeks After

Mom sleeps all the time. Dad spends his time trying to get her to eat, and I try to keep everything perfect. On occasion, Mom pats the bed beside her; I will lie down, and she will hug me tight. I think she’s cried all the tears she has, because they no longer fall; her body just shakes in silent sobs. The only words she ever really says are I’m so sorry. I say the same back.

Aunt Maggie and Aunt Josie bring food up every day. We don’t need it. We have so much. I freeze as much as I can because Aunt Josie told me that one day we’ll want to eat again.

I go back to school even when I don’t want to.

People whisper. “That’s her.”

Some people cry when they see me. That’s worse.

I nod when they give me the I’m sorry look. I feel like that’s all I do. I don’t want to say anything, afraid I’ll cry. I think that’s why Alex doesn’t say anything ever.

I open my locker. I don’t remember why.

“I don’t want to be here,” I whisper into the void before I close the door so no one can hear it.

I want to go home. I still think if I go home, they might be there. I know they won’t be.

I still think it anyway.

Song: Time After Time