Page 186 of The Way the Heart Breaks: Jade’s Story

“I know that you’re supposed to be my pretty girl. And I know I’m not pushing anything that could jeopardize that being taken away from me. So, if there’s things you don’t want me to know, things you don’t trust me with...”

“I trust you, Tommy. I wouldn’t be walking in these woods with you if I didn’t.”

“These woods, they mean something to you.”

He told me to take you somewhere beautiful. This is where I spent the majority of my time as a child. Summers were my favorite. They were my favorite.

I look up at him and exhale.

“I have two brothers. They’re twins, Jason and Jasper. Jason was minutes older and would not let anyone forget about it.” I smile.

“I found that out by accident, or maybe it was happenstance.” He shrugs. “Either way, I found it out the day before the first game. They took the drapes down from the glass display case, and I saw the pictures of your brothers.” He shakes his head. “They look just like you.” He stops and looks down at me, his face contorting a bit. “Pretty girl, did I say something wrong?”

“No, you didn’t say anything wrong. I know I look just like them.”

“And that’s a problem?”

“It is, but not in the way you might think it is.”

I turn and look out over the woods that we played in for years, the best years. This past month has rivaled that, but after this, who knows…

“She was driving the car. The boys, the twins, were sitting in the front on the way home from a football game. And from what we were told, the dog ran out, and the kid sitting in the middle, which was my brother Jasper, he always sat in the middle. I was always closest to Mom. He grabbed the wheel.”

When he wipes under my eyes, I realize I was crying.

I smile. “I’m not sad anymore. That does no good, being sad. Wondering what if, blaming yourself, neither will bring them back. It does no good.” I look up at him, and he’s just looking at me in the same way, possibly even with more awe. And right now, I almost regret not telling him sooner. “My mom, she was on pain pills for a long time due to injuries from the accident. She became addicted. She stopped, but she started drinking. Then when that wasn’t enough...” I don’t even want to finish this part, but I’ve gone this far. “She started doing drugs.”

He nods. “Because the booze wasn’t strong enough.”

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense.”

I clear my throat and turn my back again, looking around the knife field, when his arms wrap around me, pulling me close. I feel his chin resting on my shoulder.

“Makes sense and zero sense at the same time. I’m so fucking sorry you had to go through this.”

“I am so fucking sorry that she got so cracked out that I walked into the house, came into the smoke, into that fucking god-awful smell. I had to be carried out. So...” I force a laugh. “I’ve done crack, you?”

I look over my shoulder, and he smiles very softly. “No, pretty girl. I’ve never done crack. I’m pretty sure I signed a contract saying that I wouldn’t, so...”

“Shit, why didn’t we think about a contract?” I do laugh for real now, and he smiles genuinely. “Last time I saw her, she was with the man whose name was on prescription bottles found in the house that night. He and his two little girls at the movies. She looked healthier than she had since the accident. And she said to me, ‘You look just like them.’”

“Ouch. So, me saying that brought back some feelings.” He shakes his head. “You know that was not my intention.”

“For a long time, I thought that meant it was painful to look at me. So no, you didn’t bring back bad shit. You made me remember that it’s not a curse.”

“Fuck no, it’s not a curse. I saw those pictures. They were two handsome young men. If I were a chick, I’d be all over ’em.”

I laugh and look up. “You remind me of one of them.”

“I hope it’s the good twin.”

“They were both good, but no, he was a wise ass just like you are.”

“I’m a wise ass?” he jokes.

“Yeah. And please don’t change that. You make me laugh, Tommy Lane.”

“Glad to be of service, pretty girl.”