Page 121 of The Way the Heart Breaks: Jade’s Story

I understand that.

God, I understand wondering what the hell is going on, at that age.

Tessa takes off and runs after them.

I know what it feels like to have your family torn apart. My brothers left, and it hurt like hell. But they didn't choose to leave me. There was nothing I could do about it, and eventually I had to learn how to live with them not being there.

Tessa's situation is different. She's watching Kendall and Jake leave while knowing they're still hers. They're still her family. They're still somewhere she could see them, hug them, talk to them.

They're just not going to be with her, and she doesn't get a say in that, none of them do.

I wonder if that's harder than losing someone completely. When someone is gone, you suffer a loss. You don't have to watch them walk away knowing they're still out there and wondering when you'll get to see them again.

I think I know the answer. I love my brothers enough that I know they’d be pissed if I wasn’t living. And I'm still so angry with the old Janet Ross, because she was replaced by someone I do not recognize.

I watch Tessa hug them, kiss them, and make them smile.

That's what Tessa has always done for me. It still is. When I'm down, she's the one who lifts me back up.

And that's exactly what I'll do for her.

“Hey, hey, here. You doing okay, baby girl?"

I turn and smile at Dad, then realize how horrible it must be for Tessa. Could she be thinking, What if there’s an accident and she doesn’t see them again?

But I smile. “Yeah, Dad, I’m doing okay.”

He knows it’s a lie. And he knows that hugging me right now, something in the way his big arms wrap around me, tends to loosen the tears I am trying desperately to hold back, so I whisper a reminder in his ear, “You're gonna make me cry.”

He chuckles, kisses the top of my head, and steps back. “I never want to make my baby girl cry.”

I ask the question I don’t really want the answer to, because how could he be after today? "Are you gonna be okay tonight?”

He gives me a wink. “John and I are gonna go grab something to eat at The Spot while you girls get your stuff ready for your big weekend.”

“Dad, it’s not a weekend. It’s one night,” I joke as a single tear escapes.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he says, swiping it away. “And the rest of the night, we’re doing something we’ve always done together.”

“Shoot guns?” I ask.

“No, kiddo. It’s harvest season. We’re thinning dry beans.”

.

By the time Tessa is done with her siblings, and Dad has walked away, Lucas and Tommy are walking out of the school, freshly showered.

Tommy comes straight over and leans against me, lowering his voice. “She okay?”

“Yeah, she’s okay,” I lie, sort of.

Tommy looks at me for a second. He knows I’m lying, but he doesn’t call me on it. I totally appreciate that.

“Alex raised the ante on the sleepover.”

“He what?” I ask, already feeling disappointed.

“He said we have to go to church in the morning too.”