Page 36 of The Beast Who Begged Me

“That room, and what happened in it, happened to me. You—you of all people—don’t get to—” I stop dead, because I don’t fully understand it myself. Only that something that belonged to me has been decided about, again, without my input. “You should have asked me to come with you.”

“You wanted to see it for yourself?” He’s genuinely confused.

“No. I wanted to be asked.”

He looks at me like I’m speaking a language he’s been learning recently, but still has to struggle to translate in his head.

And then he keeps on going. “There’s something else. There’s a Giuliano barbershop in Astoria that’s yours now. They used to run numbers, protection. I cleared out Pardini’s crew. Ferraro and the Giordanos will hold it until you decide how you want to crew the operation.”

“You…what?” I shake my head, trying to clear it. “What do you mean, you cleared out Pardini’s crew?”

The confusion hovers at the edge of his voice again when he clarifies, “I killed them.”

“You killed them,” I repeat flatly. “How many, exactly?”

“Fourteen.”

“Fourteen,” I say. “And who was with you?”

“Vito. But he stayed with the car.”

Vito stayed with the car. Meaning Dami went in alone. He walked into Giuliano territory containing fourteen armed men, by himself, with an injured hand.

I wouldn’t let him die. So now he’s trying to tempt fate.

My vision goes a little white at the edges. I make myself breathe through it, because if I speak now, it’ll be full of fear and vulnerability.

“Don’t worry,” he assures me. “The Gees’ll know I did it. They’ll know why, too. It won’t affect you.”

If he keeps going on like this, I really am going to lose it. “Of course it will affect me,” I snap at him, “if you installed Clemenza men in there afterward. Who, exactly, gave you the order to do that?”

“Nobody had to⁠—”

“Who will the Families believe gave the order?” My voice has gone up. I bring it down. “Every made man in this city is going to hear that the Clemenzas took a territory back.”

“So what? D’Amato’s been talking about giving some of your territory back. Now you’ve got a block in Astoria. It’s a start.”

“It’s not a start. It’s a joke. It makes me a twenty-one-year-old figurehead run by a Giuliano Enforcer. Which is precisely what Luca D’Amato already thinks. Alessi and Rossi will think it, too. You’ve confirmed it for them.”

“Nobody’s going to⁠—”

“Where did the gun come from, Dami? Because I know you wouldn’t be stupid enough to use your own.”

He goes quiet. And I know before he says it. “D’Amato,” he says at last.

I give a hollow laugh. “So the Morelli Don knew about this before I did. And he’s had a full day to enjoy that.” I throw off the bedsheets and get to my feet, pacing around in agitation. I sat across a chessboard from D’Amato while he explained my own chess pieces to me, and the whole time, he knew my strongest piece was moving itself.

“That’s not how it was,” Dami says.

I scoff. “Then tell me how it was.”

“I did it for you!” It bursts out of him, making me stop dead and stare at him. “I know I can’t ever make it right, there’s no making it right, what I did to you—so I’ll pay damages instead. That’s all I can do.”

“You can’t pay me off, Dami.” It comes out gently, which surprises me. “There is no amount of money, no territory, nothing that will ever make us square. Even if you spent the rest of your life paying, you’d still die owing.”

His face has drained of color. I look away, focus my mind, pace a little more.

“Here is what will happen,” I go on. I hear my grandfather in my voice again, and for once I don’t hate myself for it. “You will never again act in my name without my permission. Not a killing, not a purchase, not a kindness. Nothing that I have not asked for myself. Are we clear?”