Page 144 of The Beast Who Begged Me

Fontana pauses on the steps to take a call, giving us a minute. Caligula stands beside me, buttoning his coat.

“Dami?”

“He must be ninety fucking years old,” I say. “He couldn’t keep his goddamn slippers on. And I scared the shit out of him.”

Caligula just waits.

“He killed my father,” I say at last. “Getting old doesn’t change that.”

“No,” Caligula agrees.

“But no matter what I do, my father will still be dead. And if I kill that asshole, I’ll have killed a frightened old man who barely knew what day it was.”

Caligula takes my hand. Carefully.

There’s no true justice when the guilty man’s already gone. I used to think the opposite. That someone had to pay. I thought that about Cesario Clemenza, used it to justify finding someone else to pay what I thought I was owed.

And that someone is standing right here, holding my hand while I think about the mess I’ve made of my life.

“I’m done,” I tell him. “With all of it. With making someone pay for my father.”

His fingers tighten. I look at him, and all I can think about is waking up with him this morning. His cold foot shoved between my calves. Rosa shouting up the stairs. Sammy at the breakfast table, complaining about something Ricky said and laughing before he could finish the complaint.

“I’m happy.” It sounds strange in my own voice. I say it again, because it’s true. But I’ve been so focused on guarding against whatever might take it away that I haven’t noticed. “I’m fucking happy. With you. With Rosa and Vito and Sammy, and hell, even that Benedetti kid. And my dad would’ve wanted that. He wouldn’t have wanted me spending the rest of my life…” I shake my head.

Caligula steps closer and puts his free hand against my chest, just rests it there while I get used to what I’ve said. He’s smiling, but his eyes are bright, and when he draws me down for a kiss, he holds on for a moment after our mouths part.

“I want you happy, Dami,” he says quietly. “And I want you to know—when I said I’d kept Nonna’s letter to use against you, I lied.”

I stare at him. “You lied?”

“Yes. Because I loved you. I was afraid the truth would destroy you, and I couldn’t bear to hurt you.” His fingers tighten around mine. “I’m sorry I kept it from you, Dami. And I’m sorry you found out like you did.”

I’m hearing talk about the letter, but there’s only one thing that I’m interested in. “You…loved me then?”

“Yes. Even then.”

I lift our joined hands and press my mouth to his fingers. Not to the ring, but to his skin.

He lets me hold his hand there, warm against my lips, while the traffic moves. And then he glances toward Fontana, still on the phone, and draws a slow breath.

“What is it?” I ask.

“I need to see Luca D’Amato.”

CHAPTER 43

CALIGULA

Luca looks up as I’m shown into his study, then closes the laptop in front of him. “Fontana said you needed to see me?”

“Good afternoon, Luca. I thought we could continue our game.”

He gestures toward the chairs beside the chessboard. I take the one I used when we were staying here, settling into it while he comes around his desk. In the kitchen, Finch has roped Dami into a poker game with Aidan O’Leary and Teo Vitali. “You wanna watch your wallet, though,” I heard Finch warning him as Gio Carlucci led me upstairs. “Aidan’s a shark.”

“Not a problem,” I heard Dami’s rumbling reply, and I had to hide a smile. He’s right, though. The cryptocurrency my grandfather’s ghost unwillingly gave up means I can take my time re-establishing various businesses around the city.

There’s no rush.