Page 200 of Nyx

As a young married woman, I'd consider every behavior, every smile, every conversation I had with others, and how it would appear to Graham, the entire time wondering if I would do something that would make him angry and cause a confrontation when we got home.

Here, at the Cerberus clubhouse, I just feel happy. I know there's nothing I could do that would cause trouble for me later. I can breathe fully, have a good time, and just be normal for once in my life, and it's a very surreal situation to be in.

Everyone has been so welcoming not only to me but also to the other women who came from the shelter. I haven't gotten the feeling that anyone was whispering behind my back or gossiping when they stepped away, and that was something that always happened at gatherings when I was younger.

The people here just seem genuinely happy to be around the others.

It's not a special event. They just enjoy getting together and experiencing life as a group.

Emmalyn spoke about family, and although that conversation was with Daisy, it felt directed toward me as well.

Family.

It's something I haven't had in a very long time, and it never looked like this. It never made me feel completely welcome the way that I do here.

Of course, there's that voice in the back of my head telling me not to get used to it, knowing it won't last very long. This isn't what my future looks like. This is simply a blip in time, a chapter in my life I'll look back on with a smile and maybe a hint of sadness for it having to end.

But I won't let the end ruin the present.

Boisterous laughter draws my eyes across the room, and I feel the mild tremble in my hand. As safe as I feel, my body still doesn't know how to respond when things get a little too loud.

Mentally, I feel fine, but the trauma is so deeply ingrained that it causes physical reactions before I can remind myself that everything is fine.

Kincaid and Shadow both grin at Kid's response to whatever was said, and I find myself smiling as well despite having no idea what was said.

Everyone here is just so wholesome, despite what I imagine they've seen and experienced in their line of work. I know it has to take a huge amount of fortitude to still smile and enjoy life after those experiences. If only I had the same level of strength and courage to get through my past and come out the other side with the ability to smile and laugh.

Maybe one day I'll have the opportunity to smile and laugh and not let my own experiences control every other aspect of my life.

As hopeful as I tell myself I am, the tremble doesn't stop immediately, and I know it's my body's way of telling me that I may need a break from the activities for a minute or two.

"Excuse me," I tell Caroline before walking away.

I nod and smile at several people as I pass them, but for some reason my pace quickens as I leave the common area and head toward my room.

A shadow at the end of the hall makes me pause. I'm the only one in this area of the clubhouse, so seeing Kayla at the very end of the hall, tucked into the corner, surprises me.

A small sob reaches my ears, putting me on high alert.

As I close the distance between the two of us, I consider the possibilities. Maybe she's having a hard time with the noise and activity, like I am. Maybe she's just having an off day. Maybe it's something bigger.

"Kayla?" I say softly as I step in front of her. "What's wrong?"

I don't reach out to her, knowing that touch, even when it comes from a comforting place, isn't always well received by abuse victims.

She sniffles, using the back of her hand to swipe at her eyes as she looks up at me.

She gives her head a little shake as another wave of sobs racks her body.

"Aleah," she manages, her eyes dropping back down to her phone screen.

My gaze drops there too, but the screen is dark, revealing nothing.

"She wasn't feeling well," I recall. "Is she still sick?"

Kayla nods with another sniffle.

"They took her to the hospital."