Page 187 of Nyx

Knowing it was more than likely a onetime thing hasn't stopped my mind from wandering back to the memories of last night.

The taste of her skin.

The scent of her arousal

The whispered words of pleasure on her lips.

The way her body clenched around mine when she finally gave in to the need for orgasm.

All of it has had me battling against an erection all day.

I usually have better control of my thoughts and my body's reaction, but knowing what she feels like, how her eyes glistened when she found her release, has made it a difficult task today.

I stayed in bed, staring up at the ceiling instead of leaving my room until well after the sun came up.

My vow not to pressure her includes the aftermath of what we experienced.

I don't plan to seek her out and make sure she's okay.

And although that feels wrong in some ways, I don't want her to feel like she has to talk about what happened or acknowledge it.

A part of my mind wonders if she'd feel used and rejected if I don't bring it up, but that other part of me doesn't want to force her to talk about it if she doesn't.

I feel lodged between a rock and a hard place, regretting that I didn't bring it up last night.

I don't know how to manage expectations when I don't know what the expectations are.

Being unsure isn't a familiar feeling, and I grow a little twitchy.

Instead of lying in bed getting nothing done but losing a little of my sanity, I climb out of bed.

I grab the discarded condom beside the bed and trash it before picking up my wallet and placing it back on the dresser. I gather my clothes from last night, fighting the urge to lift my shirt to my nose to see if her scent still clings to it as I carry the items to the laundry basket.

I grab a quick shower, get dressed, and leave the room, part of me hoping to see her in the kitchen, and another part hoping I don't so I don't put her on the spot.

The kitchen is clear, and I realize as I grab a bottle of water from the fridge and a banana from the counter that there's a very real chance she might avoid me today.

I struggle with the idea that, as I eat the banana, my eyes are directed toward the hall where I know her room is.

She doesn't appear by the time the fruit is gone, and since I'd never go knock on her door, I throw the peel in the trash and head out the front door of the clubhouse.

Glancing toward the shop, I realize that being holed up and alone is the last thing I want right now.

I'm more than a little emotionally stunted from my childhood, but I figure being around others, something I'm not normally comfortable with, might pull my mind from the choices we made last night.

I clear my throat, attempting to force down all that unfamiliar shit and clear my brain.

I pay close attention to the flower beds, the gravel in the parking lot, and the fence line as I walk toward the construction noises down the street.

Nearly three dozen houses pepper this property, so it wasn't very far off from thinking of it like a small village. Each house has a nice yard, just as any other residential area would. The houses aren't stacked right on top of each other, giving each homeowner a little piece of their own paradise.

Roads have been built as the number of houses increases, making the furthest houses—the couple that are still under some level of construction—several blocks from the clubhouse. All the houses are done on the inside except for Landon's and Rick's. The others need things like landscaping and shutters hung, but are already occupied.

The only things missing are street signs and mailboxes. Since no civilians have access to the property, the signs aren't necessary, and all mail and packages are left at the front gate.

More light poles have been installed than you would see on a regular residential block because seeing is safety, especially at night.

Looking at each of the individual houses makes me wonder if this is the direction things will go in Tennessee. They already have five members of that chapter who have paired up. Jericho and Aspen have their little boy, and there may come a time when they want space just for their little family. I have no idea how that would work, but if there's anyone who could make it happen, then it would be something that Cerberus is very capable of doing.