Page 164 of Nyx

All but a few members are here already, and everyone is mingling around or talking in small groups. It feels like the most natural thing in the world to be a part of this.

I wouldn't avoid this situation if she weren't here, but knowing she's just across the room has me sticking closer than I normally would.

I don't feel like she needs my help or that I can make her safer with my presence, but there is a hint of need and longing to just be around her that I can't seem to fight. It's almost like a gravitational pull in her direction that I can't explain, and evaluating it would take my mind to places that have a good chance of getting me into trouble or, at a minimum, creating some sort of disappointment later down the road.

A loud cheer echoes around the room, and I turn my attention in the direction everyone else is looking to see Landon and Rick walk through the front door of the house.

Landon got home last night, and I've seen him twice since then. I know others have seen him too, but the love for this kid is evident in the joy and happiness on everyone's faces.

He smiles at everyone, giving a little wave as if he's on stage preparing for a performance. He was raised in this situation, among people who love and care for him despite no blood connection.

I hope he and the others know just how lucky he is to have such a functional group of adults around him. Not everyone is given that luxury in their childhoods, and women like Juliet have it stolen from them in early adulthood.

Landon, Kid and Khloe's only son, was the only person connected so closely to Cerberus who had been away, and their joy at his now being home is written on every face in the room.

I know the women from Juniper House were told about their safe space as well as an open invitation for them to participate in every gathering Cerberus has in the clubhouse, and from looking around, I can see that all of them have decided to join.

The pride I feel at seeing Caroline in the corner, talking to Misty and Ivy, makes me understand on a deeper level just how important Cerberus is to these women. We can be a foundation of support without having to be the ones to pull them out of an awful situation. They've grown accustomed to us being outside the shelter and don't fear us. They have faith that some good men, men who aren't planning to hurt them or manipulate them in any way, actually exist in this awful world.

They're confident enough in us that they'll spend their time around us without fear, and that's a huge undertaking for some of them. I don't doubt they might be a little more skittish if they walked into the kitchen in the middle of the night and saw one of us sitting at the table, but mingling among everyone in a group is a good sign.

I watch as Landon walks through the room, smiling and greeting everyone there. Rick, his husband, sticks close as if he hasn't had enough time alone with him yet.

I know Rick and Landon have been staying with Kid and Khloe because their house down the road isn't quite finished yet, even though it's getting close.

Hugs and backslaps, handshaking, and boisterous laughter fill the room, and as happy as everyone is, I still can't keep my eyes from drifting in Juliet's direction.

As if she senses me watching her, she looks over, a soft smile on her face. I grin back, the flexing of those facial muscles has started to feel a little more familiar since I met her.

Her eyes run the length of me, making me want to stand a little taller, but then her smile fades when she sees the beer in my hand.

I can only imagine how out of control her ex was if he were drinking. My father used alcohol as an excuse for his abuse in the beginning. He'd drink and blame my mother for the need for alcohol, and then hurt her while he was drunk.

They both drank so much that I knew from counting how many times I heard the refrigerator opening just how bad the night was going to be.

I drop my eyes to my beer, the bottle still more than half full.

With her watching me, I walk to the kitchen, pour it down the drain, place the bottle in the recycling bin, and grab a Coke instead.

Her lips form a flat line when she sees me again, as if she's worried there might be some form of retaliation from me for what I just did, as if her not liking the beer in my hand would be reason enough to change how I act around her.

If she were closer, I'd reassure her that she has done nothing wrong, but for now, all I can do is smile at her.

I add a wink, that action feeling even more out of place than the smiles, but it seems to calm her some. She gives me a gentle smile before turning back to her conversation with Khloe, who is introducing Landon and Rick to her.

I watch as they greet her, noticing how neither reaches out their hand for her to shake, as if they understand that touching them, even in a normal social situation like this one, isn't something that she wants to do.

Even with the cold soda in my hand, I can feel the warmth of her hand there from last night.

I didn't ask permission to touch her, and maybe I should've, but she seemed a little nervous about all the activity in the room.

Another fifteen minutes go by with me standing on the outer ring of everyone in the room before she breaks away from Khloe and the others. I see her over Legend's shoulder as she looks around the room, and it makes my heart kick up a few notches at the realization that she might be looking for me.

I take a step to the side, making myself more visible, and it only takes her another handful of seconds for her to spot me.

Her smile widens, and for the briefest of moments, I let myself live inside of it, imagining that I'm the only one in the world that she looks at that way.

I keep my feet rooted in place, not wanting to make assumptions as she closes the distance between us.