Page 141 of The Tryout

“Talk to your boy, okay Lawson?”

Avery nods silently, looking at the ground as he does. As Banks leaves us alone in his office, Avery grabs my hand, pulling me over to the chairs at the side of the room. I sit down next to him, knowing that no matter what he says, I want to be closer to him when he says it. But he’s not really saying anything, just looking down at where his hands are, clenched together so tight they’re going white.

“Avery, what’s going on?”

He looks at me again, but this time his eyes aren’t just shining, they’re wet, tears forming in the corners.

“I…they did ask to renew. I declined.”

I’m glad I’m sitting, because I’m pretty sure the shock of his words would have knocked me on my ass. He said no?

“Is it your knee?”

We haven’t talked about it for so long that I thought maybe it was doing better. I knew I should have been checking in with him, making sure he was icing it and keeping up with the trainer.

“Finn, it’s not that. I mean, it’s…it’s part of the calculation, sure. But it’s such a small thing compared to…the rest.”

I get the sense that there’s something he’s trying to say but can’t find the words for, which is something new. Usually he’s the one with the words, with the experience, the one who knows how to pull everything together. But here he is, totally at sea, and I feel like I’ve lost my anchor, too.

“Ave, I’m gonna need you to explain this calculation to me. Because from where I’m sitting, you just said no to the thing you’ve been working for since you were a kid.”

He takes a deep breath.

“It didn’t…it didn’t just happen. They made the offer on January 2.”

I think about all the lessons he’s taught me about contracts and timing this year, and about my own conversations with Jack over the past month.

“You were a priority. One of the first contracts they extended, probably.”

He nods, and I’m happy to see a small smile on his face.

“What was the offer? I’m sure Jack would help negotiate it.”

Even as I say the words, I’m not sure there’s anything Jack could negotiate that Avery wouldn’t be equally able to get.

“Two-year, two-way. And yes, they’re worried about how the knee will hold up under NHL-level pressure, but they’re definitely wanting to find out.”

As I suspected, it’s a good deal – probably better than Avery ever expected back in September.

“So…why?”

He purses his lips together.

“I mean, the knee is part of it. Because if it doesn’t hold up, that’s just a bad short-term investment for them, and not even a particularly expensive one. But for me? It’s another surgery, and another two years of physical therapy, and a life with a knee that, truly, would never be quite right again.”

I nod, following his reasoning. Plenty of guys would have hung up their skates already; he’s not wrong to be worried. But I get the sense that’s not it.

“Okay. That’s totally fair.”

He nods, tapping his toe rapidly against the cold tile floor.

“I’m gonna say something, Finn. And if you…well, if you think it’s too much, I would get that.”

That’s got me worried. What is he afraid I’m going to say?

“If it was just me, I’d probably give it a try. Maybe talk with a doctor again to be sure, but honestly, the knee’s hardly been on my radar. It’s holding up okay. But it…it isn’t just me anymore, Finn. Just like it’s not just you. And I don’t want it to be just me. I want to wake up where you’re waking up and go to sleep with my arm around you. I don’t want a relationship that’s measured out in phone calls and two hundred and fifty mile car trips.”

Oh.