Page 131 of The Tryout

The server looks at me and I order the first thing I see on the menu, still mulling over Avery’s words. As he leaves, Jack looks closely at me.

“I wouldn’t say it’s locked up just yet, but you’ve been doing everything you need to help me make the argument. Just keep it up, okay kid?”

I nod, not even sure what exactly I should be keeping up.

As we wait for the food, Jack and Avery make small talk, discussing the various trade moves that happened right before the holiday roster freeze. Even though I know most of the moves they’re discussing, it’s clear they think about them in a different way than I do. It’s not just about who’s playing where, but about what that means for team priorities two or four or eight years into the future.

As the food arrives and we begin to dig in, Jack gestures at the two of us with his fork.

“So, what’s going on here? Or are we not talking about it?”

Yet again, I look to Avery, my eyes wide. This time, though, he simply raises his eyebrows, as if to say Your turn.

“We’re…dating. Boyfriends. We can talk about it.”

Jack nods.

“So you’re…gay?”

I shrug. At first, this was just supposed to be an experiment, the first step in figuring all that out.

Whoops.

“I’m not picky.”

Next to me, Avery makes a choking sound and reaches for his water.

Jack is not so easily shaken, and just snorts a laugh under his breath.

“And if someone asks? A reporter or the team or whatever?”

I shrug again.

“That’s fine. It’s not a secret. I just…I’m kind of a quiet guy in general, you know?”

This gets a bigger laugh.

“Understatement of the year, kid.”

I keep thinking it should be easier to say goodbye to Avery, given how much practice we’re getting with it. But as I sit on a bed next to an open suitcase for the third time in a month, I’m pretty sure it’s actually getting harder.

As Avery packs his clothes, I scroll through the Huskies’ schedule, looking for pockets of time we might be able to steal together. For the first time in my career, I find myself wondering if maybe Minnesota needs to send me back to Iowa for a stretch, maybe give Robby or Markie a turn up here.

I find one or two spots in January where we might be able to squeeze in a night together, as long as one of us is willing to jump in a plane or a car to make it happen. A few months ago, I could never have imagined spending hundreds of dollars to visit someone; now, I could imagine spending a lot more than that.

“Hey.”

I look up at Avery.

“The schedule’s not gonna change just because you stare at it more. Help me, will you?”

Tossing my phone on the bed, I go to the dresser, sifting through to find Avery’s clothes. After that first night, we consolidated into one room, all our clothes sitting together in the closet and the dresser. It’s getting to the point where I can’t quite tell what’s his and what’s mine anymore. I mean, generally, the brands are a good sign. But as I move a bunch of the warmer workout clothes into his suitcase, he moves them right back, reminding me I’ll want them for my runs.

I should argue, remind him that I’m not his charity case, that he doesn’t have to take care of me. But sitting here with plenty of money in the bank and a hole opening in my heart, I can’t help but want to be taken care of. So the clothes go back in the dresser after all. Still, I get my revenge, sneaking a Minnesota Huskies hoodie into the bottom of his suitcase. A few days into this stint in Minnesota, a stack of them had been delivered to my stall, along with some other Huskies merchandise. Across the back, each reads MURPHY, and I can’t help but hope one day I’ll get to see Avery in it.

After grabbing his toiletries from the bathroom, he zips the bag shut and comes to stand in front of me.

“Look, it’s just a little more than a month until the All Star Break, okay? You and I can meet wherever you want.”