Page 127 of The Tryout

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“I…I don’t want to ask anything you don’t want to – or can’t – answer.”

I appreciate that, and I know it’s more than I deserve. God knows I held to no such boundaries when Jamie started seeing Ethan last year.

“You can ask whatever you want.”

Jamie nods, pressing his lips together, and I can tell he’s considering what words to use.

When? Why? How long?

“What is he to you?”

It’s not what I expect. I figured Jamie would jump to conclusions – that we’re just fucking around, that it’s nothing serious, that I’m somehow corrupting him, just for the fun of it. I’ve got answers to every one of those accusations ready to go, but somehow this question I’m unprepared for.

“He’s…he’s the best guy I know. He’s so…special, and somehow he thinks I’m special, too. I…we’re dating. He’s my boyfriend.”

No matter how Ethan prepared him, Jamie can’t help but raise his eyebrows in surprise. I can hardly blame him – I’m pretty sure my last boyfriend was in middle school. Still, whatever he might be thinking, none of it gets spoken aloud.

“That’s gotta be…hard.”

“What…what do you mean? I mean, you and Ethan play together and are dating. You know it’s possible.”

“Yeah. So I know as well as anyone how hard that can be sometimes. When you’re disappointed after a game or you disagree with a coach or even when everything is going just fine but everyone else is watching you both like it’s all going to blow up in their faces.”

Huh. I guess I never thought of how…how helpful Jamie could have been to talk to about this. We haven’t really struggled with that stuff – at least, not yet – but now I wonder how much of it Jamie’s been dealing with. We’ve certainly been making progress on our friendship this year, taking a little more time to reach out, to spend time together, but clearly we still have a ways to go.

“Plus, you’ve got a whole extra thing going on, with Finn going back and forth between Minneapolis and Des Moines.”

Now this, this I have been struggling with.

“I…yeah. That’s been tough. Thanks for letting me come up for Christmas, it’s been good.”

Jamie nods.

“I think Ethan suspected something. He was the one to bring up the idea, and then this morning he wasn’t surprised at all.”

I redden a bit, clearing my throat.

“I…might have called him.”

“You called Ethan?”

I deserve the look of disbelief Jamie is giving me.

“After Price got traded, while Finn was on the phone with the Huskies.”

He nods at this, still looking a bit confused.

“He…he didn’t tell you?”

“He said you’d talked about a trip at Christmas, but I figured it was a text or whatever.”

“I was…honestly, I was a little angry. Angry that he got Price traded, angry that Finn would be leaving again. I felt like I needed to…to talk to someone I could be angry at.”

He nods, as though he understands this ugly thought.

“Angry, or sad?”